Discussion Board

Discussion Board

Some will say that forgiveness does more for the forgiver than the forgiven. Personally, I don’t believe that it is necessary to forgive in order to move on and put the past where it belongs. Did you forgive someone who wasn’t sorry for their actions?

7 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. Unfortunately the ways we use the word, forgiveness leaves a ton of room for confusion in discussion. In one sense I can’t forgive anyone anyway, only God can. In another, I can but it is not healthy to do so when the person in question has not felt or expressed remorse, has not learned from the past and experienced growth and improvement.

    And in yet another sense, one where I think it’s unfortunate that people use the word forgiveness for what they are trying to express, I can let go of personal angst or bitterness. I can learn to not hold a grudge and to move on, free of the burdens that person’s mistakes have inflicted on me. It has been a LONG and seemingly SLOW process for me. But I believe I am free of my emotional and spiritual abuser. I know he’s wrong. I know who I am and where I stand and how I am changed. And I’m OK. I no longer need to hold onto anger or resentment. If he were ever to choose healing and be transformed I’d be glad, though I know it next to impossible to think it will ever happen. So far he is as he chooses to be which is the same as the last 20+ years of using and abusing.

    And I have no need of questioning whether to forgive him or not. I’m not trying to control him or help him or hurt him or punish him. I’m just trying to be OK within myself. And God is helping me.

  2. I had to forgive her to move on. I was stuck with so much hatred for my mom, it was affecting my relationship with other’s. I have forgotten everything about her. I don’t want to remember, and she lives right across the street. I am the oldest of 6. None of them talk to me anymore, which is fine. I don’t get sucked into all that ghetto crap any more.

  3. Some people don’t deserve to be forgiven, and, I can guarantee that forgiving him will not make me feel better.

  4. There are some things that are unforgivable. It took me years, but I have been finally able to move on. I can not forgive my sister for some of things she has done, and want nothing to do with her. And I have been clear with her about that as well.

  5. I think for a person (abuser) to deserve forgiveness they must recognise that their behaviour or actions were wrong, damaging, hurtful, and try to behave differently. But if an abuser maintains their attitude, or continues their behaviour while acknowledging no fault on their part, I would, and do, find it impossible to forgive. Because the woman have birth to me, fed me and clothed me, does not mean she, in any way, deserves forgiveness from me, for the physical and emotional abuse she poured on me, colouring my perception of the world and damaging my sense of self. Forgiveness is a big ask. Walk away and let the healing begin.

  6. I tend to agree with Gill on this. When someone does not even acknowledge their own actions as wrong, and continues – why should they get forgiveness. However, it is so important to ensure that you are not maintaining a hurtful emotion for yourself. You have already been through hell, why continue to punish yourself? I like the thought of “Let it go” and let the universe give you blessings, which you deserve. That does not mean forgiveness, it means finding your own peace.

  7. I had truly forgiven my ex, my abuser, embraced him as a friend and compassionately tried to connect him with his children, only to have him come back around 8 years post-divorce and slam me again for his own self-serving purposes. So, the second time, I had a very difficult time with forgiveness even though I saw and understood his motives for this betrayal that were completely minus honesty and integrity. If I could have unfathered him, I would have for my kids did not deserve this pathetic role model as a father. But, then I read a perspective on forgiveness that I could finally embrace. Forgiveness is letting go of the expectation that someone should be different than he is. I first had to accept what he is, but now I expect nothing more than that. In this way, I can forgive. But I will never forget, and I will not let him anywhere near me again. He sees this as my “being mean.” I see it as my finally being kind to myself.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Privacy Preference Center

Necessary

Advertising

Analytics

Other