Discussion Board

Discussion Board

Narcissists regularly employ ‘The Silent Treatment’ as a means of control and / or
punishment which is devastating to those they target. Have you been subjected to this cruel mind game? If so how did it make you feel and how did you react?

19 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. Yes my experience who was military did this to me. I would feel unloved and would get angry and pick and argument with him. At least I got him to talk again. This way I would force him to resolve the issue. Then I wouldn’t care he was giving me the silent treatment cause I was now made at him.

  2. Mine has really been giving me the silent treatment. From the time we wake up till the time we go to bed. More so now that he is losing control and I am getting stronger. But I know what he is doing and I don’t get upset or feel hurt from it anymore. After reading a few books, counseling with a good Christian counselor and understanding more I am breaking free.

  3. Yes that’s my ex!! Imagine coparebting with someone that refuses to speak to you on the phone. Ignores your important text msges regarding the kids & only answers when he feels like it not we you need a response!!! Yet when he needs an answer to something he needs an immediate response. He texted the most important toppings such as changes in custody …he treats me the way he should be treated while all I do is try so hard to be a great parent & pick up his slacks too. Another example of his narcs behavior is when he showed up for our son’s award ceremony sits right up front & makes sure all the other parent & neighbors see him & when everyone is seated, he takes off before even it starts. I dream of the day he would go away so my children & I can live a peaceful life!!

  4. It’s been 10 months since my parents told me that I was too sensitive and they have to walk on egg shells around me so much they no longer wanted to have anything to do with me or my husband. I guess it’s his fault too! They will however see my 2 sons but my daughter won’t see them. I alternate between being hurt and being liberated from all the drama they have caused me. It’s never far far my mind and I have good days and bad days. Just when I think I’m doing ok with the separation something happens to send me into a tailspin. At Christmas my mother sent a card signed from my loving parents! Then at my birthday she did the same thing! So Messed up! how can you claim to love me but want nothing to do with me?

    1. How terrible for you! This has to be very difficult as our parents are the 2 people on the earth that we are able to depend on for love. Some people do not particularly like their children, but to reject you, the pierce your heard with the “loving parents” statement is just sadistic.

  5. My dad. Did it to me just yesterday. I rarely talk to him now that I have been setting boundaries with him. But I still have the same feelings of intimidation and fear. Can’t be myself or he will come at me. Uses it to control me from standing up to him. I feel 2 inches tall. It’s an awful feeling.

  6. The fear of rejection is the greatest weapon used against a loved one. I would be ignored & rejected for big things & trivial things that I did or didn’t do. Looking back, I now know it’s a control tactic…and it is sick! The last 2 rejections were a gift from God. They helped me see him for who he really is & I filed for divorce shortly after. I refuse to walk on eggshells & be psychologically tortured. Divorcing a narcissist is the greatest rejection they know & yet, he threatened me for a year and a half. Disarming him by going no contact & researching what he is has given me true freedom. I’m in school, working & have become the mother I knew I was meant to be. I manage my finances just fine. When someone rejects another for whatever reason in what is supposed to be a loving & reciprocal relationship, get away & stay away. It is psychological torture.

  7. My mother did this to me as a child. I am now her sole caretaker, she has dementia, but still does this to me. My ex husband did the same thing.

    1. My mother did the same thing to me going back to my teen years. Still does. A 3 week long silent treatment just ended two weeks ago. Those were the quietest 3 weeks I’ve had in a long time! It was peaceful. Now things are back to the usual….ignoring me when I talk, butting into my kids lives and ignoring me when I ask her not to (they are adults), her wanting control over everything and, of course, I can’t do anything right. She’s called me a failure, and has stated I don’t know how many times she wished I was more like someone else’s kid. I have no siblings, and she lives a half block from me, so the access is constant. My ex-husband ignored me and gave me the silent treatment as well. Guess I chose to marry someone just like my mom.

  8. Same here. My mother has used the silent treatment on me since I was a teenager, and I’m 48 now. I used to run after her begging her to talk to me so I could figure out what it was that I did. I stopped doing that several years ago. Now I take the silent treatment as a nice break! The most recent silent treatment was 3 weeks long, and just ended two weeks ago. Those were very quiet and peaceful 3 weeks! My ex-husband ignored me and used the silent treatment as well. Using the silent treatment is emotional abuse, plain and simple.

    1. Reading your post, seemed like if it was me who wrote it! Mostly no one will believe me, I’m Mexican, and in Mexican culture it’s really bad to talk the truth about your parents. It’s like if you are offending God!
      I did not suffered physical abuse, but as you mentioned in your post , it is emotional abuse! This “silent treatment”, along with other narcissist
      attitudes from my mother, turned me into a strong woman. I still get the silent treatment too, for weeks, and I’m 40, but now it doesn’t hurt me, its a break from her.

  9. Yes my ex did this constantly when he didn’t want to talk or to “get even” with me because he knew it drove me nuts — it could go on for hours or days until I apologized because G-d forbid he would or make the first move so much friggin entitlement — to this day — he refuses to answer any questions I send him in text about his things or anything else — it’s like I no longer exist on the planet and I was allegedly the love of his life — pfft — he also left me drowning in debt and has been gone over 5 weeks and hasn’t attempted to give me any money toward our bills — our credit card bills that are all in my name that he so nicely helped to create but won’t pay a dime towards — such a prize!!

  10. Like many of you, I didn’t know what was going on. For so long, I believed “I” was the problem. It wasn’t until a year after we lost our baby that my eyes opened. It was like one day I woke up and realized he was making ME feel guilty and bad for the loss of our child. This wasn’t a blame game. This was grief and it was real and unbearable. He would just watch me cry, never (or very rarely) acknowledging my pain. Or me, in general. Today, I realize he was giving me the silent treatment. I’ve also realized that it was not out of being a complete and total a$$ but more because he couldn’t handle his own grief. It doesn’t make it better or take away the immense hurt he caused in an already devastating situation but I have a form of peace about it now. That’s something he will have to process, or not, but I’m a stronger person today because I know the real truth.

  11. I get belittled and cursed like a dog for hours then not talked to until he deems it necessary. If I try and talk to him, he says things like, “you’re talking but you don’t have anything to say” and turns the tv up louder. So hurtful but I’m getting hardened and resentful. He has left now and filed for divorce because “I’m crazy”. He’s convinced everyone of it. I stopped supplying him. I’m still heartbroken though and I can’t figure out why?!

  12. The first time it happened it lasted 3 months. It was the beginning of the end for my marriage. I would wake up to nasty, demeaning notes. During the day I would receive one email that was the same. It started on October 31st and lasted until February 4th. What started it? I have no idea. What ended it? I have no idea. It made me realize how little he thought of me. I felt unloved, unworthy and completely rejected.

  13. God doesn’t make mistakes, never!!
    After I prayed about marrying this guy (I will not call him a “man”), the Holy Spirit spoke within​ and said, “If you marry him you will have trouble, and lots of it.
    Dating him for nearly two years proved him to be a classic narcissist that probably began in childhood. He told me several times he was spoiled by older parents who gave his brother and him every thing they wanted.
    One of his weapons was the silent treatment.
    Others were the blame game, lying, cheating, breaking promises to my family, lack of empathy, sarcasm, trying to isolate me and eruptions of anger.
    He could not win because I didn’t sleep with him.
    That’s a boundary I kept, despite his anger.

  14. I put up with it, pretending everything was normal. More abuse would have followed if I’d dared to speak out about it. Evenings with friends would have been ruined. He would have been drinking more if I did anything to counteract him. I got used to being punished. A lot of women do. Then after the punishment, he’d get nice and life would be normal until his next episode.

  15. The silent treatment, I’d rather be punched in the face. He would be silent knowing I hate it, just to get me ask what is wrong, he would lie and say nothing then finally he would tell me. One reason was bc I was being distant, so I would think about how I was being distant. Silent treatment kills me worse than anything.

  16. I took the opportunity to tell him 25 years worth of lies and dirt he did during his silent treatment. Great therapy

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