Discussion Board

Discussion Board

Someone on the page would like your thoughts on how you restored your self esteem and moved forward after a traumatic breakup with a narcissist and how you react to their ongoing mental and emotional abuse.

15 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. This is a tough one. Stay focused on a positive self esteem. Remember IT WAS NOT YOU. Go on mini vacations, and be open to meet and talk to people. These people have no empathy no mater how much you think things will go back, your chances are better picking winning lottery numbers. Keep in mind they’ve moved on, but someone else is going to go threw what you just went through. You are way better off. Good luck and be well.

  2. Wow….this is a tough one. Moving forward was probably one of the hardest things I ever did in my entire life. I felt like I was drowning and paddling through mud. But, I took time for myself, I educated myself about NPD, PTSD (which I have), stuck with positive people who loved me and got into a couple Facebook support groups. It felt good to realize that what I was feeling and going through was normal. I finally realized I was in a much better place and it wasn’t me. Life does get better and the world seems to open up.

    1. It has been 4 years and I struggle daily. PTSD so bad….he is now engaged to woman he left me for. I cut all contact off with him…we were married 36 years. He was awful to me in the end. Saw him at sons wedding last October. He turned his back to me the minute he saw me.

  3. Re-connect with friends. Think of this time away from this person as a gift; the gift of time! You now can do all the things you probably couldn’t participate in having been with this type of person. This is your opportunity to forge a life for yourself and not worry about the negative reactions from your narcissist. Please keep in mind that this is a marathon and not a race. Also, if at all possible, break off contact with the person, it helps immensely with building your self esteem.

  4. I did 30 days in trauma rehab, participate in codependents anonymous, work on the parts of my SELF that were vulnerable to having a narcissist enter my energy field, and have absolutely NO CONTACT whatsoever with him. His smear campaign is vicious – and I expected nothing less from him because I have his black and white diagnosis of narcissism, and non-integrated personalities. His sick “persona” most likely feels the need to “strike first”. I pay no attention, I’ve sorted OUT OF MY LIFE people who are “flying monkeys” for him, and concentrate on healing ME, moving forward very carefully and slowly.

  5. Stay focused on your goal–no matter what. Keep the vision of your “happier self” with you at all times and keep taking baby steps. Any step forward is better than no steps at all. We have been where you are. It is not easy, but IT IS POSSIBLE! Take care of yourself any way that you can. Treat yourself kindly. It will feel weird at first but continue to do it. Pay attention to the thoughts in your head–keep them POSITIVE. That is what will make or break your progress!!!

  6. Super tough, but you’ll be glad you did it. He left me literally with nothing, including self esteem.i must have had a little thread left because I finally left him after years of abuse. Go out. Meet other new people. Join a club. Date. Get out there into life. It’s the only way. Take the leap. Start small at first if that’s all you can manage, but just do it. The more you talk to others and experience life properly, the more your confidence will build. You have to make yourself do it. I did and never looked back. I was soon the “old” me and learned to love life again. It also helped me open my heart again and I met the beautiful husband I have today. You will move on naturally from your ex, and your “new” way of life and looking at the world will help you deal with this too. Good luck and hugs xxx

  7. When I found myself more and more separated from the Ns in my life (two of them, both relatives), my overwhelming self doubts began to fade. I found myself having more self confidence and also found I had abilities, talents, and skills. It was a revelation! I started doing those things those Ns kept gaslighting me from doing and found myself happy and good at those things. I kept strengthening the separation, lengthening it as much as possible and as I did so, my strength increased as did my self esteem, self concept, and well being. The longer I stayed away, cutting off all communication, the better I got — and stayed! Though now am in contact due to elder care, I find that those years of separation allowed me to grow strong and I am not vulnerable to their garbage any more. And boy do they dislike it! And during this time I have discovered their dozens and dozens of annihilation attempts, outright lies that destroyed my credibility to a number of others who were easily deceived. I’ve lost so much because of the Ns it just breaks my heart. Even lost the love of my life because of them but I cannot change things, just have to dig down, stay strong, and be totally emotionally aloof as I endure this time. Because I am me, happy and able, and determined to stay that way!

  8. Oh my goodness how long does it take to start feeling better? It’s been 5 months since my ex assaulted me and got charged. I am working and caring for our 11 year old daughter but I feel sad and lost most days.

  9. After 40 years of marriage, he dumped me for one of my (now former) friends who went after him with her fake compliments, etc. I accidentally found their emails. My grown children are angry & ashamed of him & refuse to allow Her anywhere near them. That was very healing for me. I have been having flashbacks; my internist put me on celexa which has helped. The most help for me was going back to work. It requires my thoughts to be on other things. The other very important thing was my friends. They supported me emotionally & refuse to be friends with him due to the way he lived a double life. I did go to counseling which helped also. It isn’t your fault. I kept trying to figure out, what did I do wrong? I put up with all his sh– for all these years. I’d never have done this to him. It’s been a year & I’m always surprised that I can do things I never thought I could. I have my moments but I’m getting used to being myself, by myself, without feeling like I’m walking on thin ice, not worrying anymore about doing something I’ll be criticized for. Usually in public; he specialized in that. I sympathize with everyone who’s going through this. Keep a journal. I’m considering turning mine into a book ( will have to change the names to protect the guilty- ha). Keep a sense of humor. You will survive this. If I can, you can.

  10. I think the most helpful advice initially came from my counselor — build a support group of people I could trust. They would let me be honest, protect me, and be my cheerleaders on bad days.

    After 21yrs of marriage and 2 children, long drawn out court battles where I lost everything, I am remarried to someone who suffered similar experiences. We have helped each other heal. Even after 10 years away, I am still exposing lies that have been buried in the dark corners of my head – accepting and embracing the untruths also has to happen before you can move on, rewiring your thought life.

    There is no on-going abuse, we have moved hundreds of miles away, but would you think that having to frequently, intentionally change how I see myself means that there is a shadow of it still there? Like a haunting?

    Getting some things out of your head may be a never-ending process, but I will also say that the education has been an unexpected gift. Someone above described it quite well… being away is a gift of time. Truth.
    And knowing that it’s not just me…

    I have no relationship with my children, as that is their choice. But this new life has given me so many things to be grateful for and that is what I choose to think about!

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