Will it help to discuss this with the narcissist?

Will it help to discuss this with the narcissist?

Would it help if the disorder is discussed to the narcissistic for him to realize his condition and how it is affecting the people around him?

15 thoughts on “Will it help to discuss this with the narcissist?

    1. even before i was able to read your replies, i tried discussing the matter with him casually. when he filed his annulment for his first marriage, he had to undergo a psychological test as a pre-requisite to the annulment/divorce process. the test concluded that he has the narcissistic disorder but always claims that the disorder was mentioned just to”complete” the psychologist’s report. he knew that ive been reading and researching about the disorder these past weeks, so i asked “do you want to know the signs or characteristics of a narcissistic? lets see if it describes you.” He said: “ok”. After reading all the signs and attributes, then turned to me and said : “so, honey, now you know… that you are a narcissistic!” —- hahahaha! This one is a true-blooded one!

  1. No…they will turn any attempt to discuss a problem back on to you or place blame elsewhere..they wont take accountability for their behavior..they consider themselves entitled to act the way they do

  2. No. Part of the conditions means that they will never admit to having it. They will turn it back in you. I’ve discovered in the last month that my partner has it and this week I tried sitting down and having a caring, loving, supportive conversation about it and how there is treatment and help. He took it as an insult rather than a condition. He made me out to be the bad guy, tried saying I have it. It was nothing but an irrational blow up of a fight that was all my fault, according to him.

  3. Oh hell no, it’s the very problem with narcissism. You know, it’s the nature of the beast. A narcissist cannot be helped, let alone cured, because it’s part of the disorder to believe that they are perfect. Anyone who has ever sought help did so with knowing that they needed help. For narcissist, they don’t need help, YOU do, and that’s simply not their problem.

  4. Narcissists see no issue with their behaviour whatsoever, so please don’t bother. At best you’ll be beating your head against a brick wall, at worst you’re giving them ammo to use against you in future.

    Example: My mother is a covert narcissist. She loves to push buttons & get digs in, and I (the only child) get the brunt. I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder and winter is really hard for me. Knowing this, my mother delights in reminding me that winter is coming, and “teasing” me about the miserable weather. It’s hellish. Fast forward a few years of this and my husband had enough and confronted her. Not knowing what she is, he patiently explained SAD and how it affects me, and asked that she stop with her “jokes”. That lasted for the rest of that winter, albeit with plenty of sulking on her side. Next winter? She was right back at it. I’m now on low contact and no longer spend winters at home (we head south), but I know if I was around her, the torture would continue. Narcissisits NEVER change.

  5. The ONLY way you can discuss a narcs behavior is with other people who they are not also manipulating.
    They may be very agreeable and regretful acting, but then they will say most of it was explained or shared incorrectly.
    Then they will put a side story spin on it. Like a pedophile they can’t not end up having those same thoughts. They are what they are.

  6. That would apply if you were talking about a normal human being.
    It seems you still have hope and I’m sorry to say that you have not yet grasped the reality of what you are dealing with.

    1. He would enjoy the attention.
    2. He would enjoy turning it all on you and attacking you.
    3. He believes his ‘condition’ is that he is superior to other people.
    4. You would alert him to the fact that you are waking up and that you are seeing that he is not normal. Expect backlash.
    5. He would decide to up his game with you and increase the abuse.
    6. Oh he knows that his ‘condition’ is affecting other people that’s why he does it!
    7. What he does is premeditated pre-planned tried and tested to work.
    8. It’s unlikely that you’re the first to try to help him.
    9. He doesn’t WANT help.
    10. Your question shows exactly why he is with you.

    They target empathic people who are kind and caring and whom they can lock into a cycle of mental emotional physical financial and spiritual abuse. If you have not yet experienced it in all of these areas of your life it will certainly happen by increasing degrees.

    These people are vampires and he will feed on you until there is nothing left of your original self and you are totally enmeshed into him. If you are involved with one of them you are in a battle for your very survival – the worst of them will have an agenda in place to destroy you in every way possible – even if they don’t murder you they have been know to cause death by suicide by desperate people whom they leave believing there is no way out. They enjoy watching the suffering that they have caused.

    The answer? Leave so fast that you leave SMOKE behind you and never contact him again. Continue to read up on these people and educate yourself and learn from those who have experience and wisdom.
    You didn’t cause any of this you have been targeted just like all of us were, because we have qualities they don’t have and they hate us for that reason.

    I hope all goes well for you and you use the hope that you have to make a good life….for yourself.

  7. NO! Does not do any good. My husband hid his narcissistic behavior for 9 years. We never had sex, I thought it was due to his impotence. We never had a imitmate relationship, but put it off to we were both working and busy. He would take week-end trips (with his boss) I trusted him. Then 2015 he lost his job he had for 9 years. In march 2015 he had to go to Las Vegas, Found out he went to LOVE RANCH. he lied about it. He let himself go, no showers, no nothing. stayed on computer looking for work. then he found work in Washington DC, and went to live with his mom. The next month he was looking for another woman on Match.com and found her. He also found several whores on backpage.com, refusing to admit to any of it. blamed me for everything, will not talk to me about what is wrong in our relationship, tells me i am just like his father, calls me names, hangs up on me, says I am yelling and agruing……I am losing everything I ever felt for him…I will be servicing him with divorce papers, because people like this do not change, they just get worse, they LIE, SNEAK AROUND, CHEAT yet they think they do nothing wrong, if they dont get caught, this isnt LOVE

  8. The very nature of their disease leaves them incapable of self reflection. Trying to discuss something with a person who is incapable of grasping what you are saying is cruel, to both of you. You will never be understood or validated, they will never understand and will suffer “narcissistic injury”. Even with a black and white neuropsych eval diagnosis, my exN could not endure the pain of being revealed and instead chose to devalue and discard me. Never under estimate the depth of narcissistic injury – they truly do feel they will die and run away from any need for self reflection. They are simply incapable. Acceptance of who and what they are is essential for recovery from these relationships.

  9. WOW some of you actually got to talk, I didn’t, I just got thrown out (several times) before I could attempt a discussion, & he’s seeing a shrink too .

  10. I was told that she moved on and was seeing some one (by text). I wanted some kind of closure. I texted back that I had been reading up on NPD and that this is the way they (you) break up, ghosting till they find there next. Which she responded: I can’t read this diatribe, why would you make it so we can’t say hello if we run into each other. It would be pointless to talk.
    They are very sad pathetic people. They are incapable of empathy.

  11. Reading these comments gives me so much relief. I have two small children with my estranged husband who I am certain is a narcissist. The insufferable way he still treats me makes me crazy and he does his best to make me think I am crazy, stupid, irresponsible, naive, unfriendly, cold, rude, selfish, disrespectful, etc. It is maddening. You could ask anyone else who knows me and they would tell you the exact opposite. I have tried before to tell him I thought he was like this. It never fails that anything and everything gets turned around on me. I had never met a narcissist before, and I wish never had. Having to deal with him because we have kids is the worst. I wish I could close to door and never see him again. He sucks the life out of me and posions me with his toxicity. Its awful and disgusting and I weep for my poor girls.

  12. im so floored, I felt this very thing when I got together with this man 13 years ago. Right from the getgo he started in on me, but the next day I could do no wrong. Its been an emotional rollercoaster since then. Guess I thought I could change him. What a crock. He will be a lonely old man I hope. He bashed me down until I cant look in the mirror anymore. And weve been through alot. I feel so sad.

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