I’ve never felt pain like I’m going through now
I have never been an angry man nor a vengeful one but I am now. These people destroy lives. Why? Is it just to make themselves feel better? To feel superior? How can treating somebody like s**t , somebody who loves you make anyone feel better? I ask because I sure as hell don’t understand it? Hate. Yes, right now I hate her for what she’s done. For the first time in my life I want to see someone dead for what they’ve done. God forbid. I’m not going to kill her. Does that make me as bad as her? I’ve never felt pain like I am going through now. When does it end? Does it ever? How do you get over the hurt and being betrayed by somebody you loved so much?
7 thoughts on “I’ve never felt pain like I’m going through now”
I’ve asked myself this often, however it does happen but its a slow process. I was with mine for 6 years and I considered him my soulmate. In the end I was having a mental breakdown and feared hurting myself or letting him hurt me. He was conditionong me to being use to his use of guns, the final mental breakdown came when one wads pointed at my head. Mind you he had never been physical with me. Anyways, when I packed up and left with help from what friends I had left, I went complete no contact and still to this day, 7 months later, I have n contact. Believe me it has been difficult and hard and my heart breaks daily….but with the time it has gotten better. Daily reading of the games they play helps me a lot. Online help and support groups also help me a lot. Coming to terms with the knowledge that I will always love this fake person and knowing he was just that, fake, somehow makes it easier a little bit. I lost everything with him, my soul, my trust in people and myself, my career, my car, my finances, and my home. With all that said….alls I can say is just daily reading up on narcisits over and over and reading other stories from people truly helps a lot. Do this especially when those love and hurt feelings come. I Noe have anxiety, social anxiety, and c-ptsd from his games….but the hurt you feel will subside…..prayers to you and much strength and support being sent to you. Be strong!!!
Yep, it really is a pain like nothing else – and it’s very tough for those who haven’t been through it to really understand as well. My experience is a little different in that it is church based, but the controlling, dominating narcissist that ran it has caused deep, psychological damage. I really hear you about the anger and the hate, my advice would be to 1. Let yourself feel all of the emotion that arises, don’t judge yourself and understand that this is a necessary stage to go through in your healing journey. It doesn’t define who you are.
2. Read up about your situation as much as you can, talk about it a lot with supportive people- it all helps. Learn about narcissists, what drives them, read lots of others survivor stories.
3. Give yourself time to heal, how much time? As much as it takes!
Ive found that these steps have helped me and my family as we journey out of our experience.
Thoughts and Prayers are with you.
It gets better – time, time more time and I, too, get in daily reading of info on narcissism and survivor stories. You have survived emotional nuclear devastation and you’re reaching out – welcome back. Give yourself a huge pat on the back, and be patient with your healing progression. You deserve that!
10 years later and I still desire to hear on the news, when a bike goes down, that’s it blue with his name.
I think it’s completely normal to wish they pay for their evil, vindictive ways.
It takes time however your heart will process and heal. Nothing wrong with a little humor following!
I think everyone has great advice here all of which I follow as well. Education is a huge part of this, at least for me anyways. I have read and learned so much about narcissism and it has been essential for me in understanding what my ex did to me over 18+ years. We have a daughter together so I can’t go no contact and this education allows me to communicate with her effectively by allowing me to see her for what she is and identify her actions and abuse as it happens which allows me to react appropriately rather than getting all spun out like in the past. As important or maybe even more important than educating yourself on narcissism is educating yourself about YOU. It is highly likely, probably almost certain that there is a reason why you were drawn to this person in the first place. You will learn this fact as you learn about narcissism. If you do not do this there is a very high probability that you will be drawn to another person like this in the future. Give yourself time, don’t blame yourself and you will get through this.
My daughter was abused controlled and manipulated by her narcissis husband. After a terrible car accident he really did a number on her. He left her feeling worse than the pain from a pickup truck that hit her at 45 miles an hour. She died last year . Because of his neglect? Or just dehumanized her more? Or maybe made her feel worthless, crazy, neglected her, or too many times rammed her head into a wall with a traumatic brain injury from accident? She couldn’t supply him any more, not with money or praise or attention. All attention was on her getting treatments surgeries and doctors appointments. I had to raise my grand children because he didn’t take the time nor could my daughter be capable to attend to their needs. So for three years I took care of my babies. It wasn’t 7 days after my daughter past that ex son in law was on dating services. He started dating and then he stopped me from seeing the grands. As of now I am taking him to court for my rights. As for him he got a girl pregnant and of course he doesn’t love her as he doesn’t know how to love. Life is a game to him like Russian roulette. He doesn’t care about anyone but him. Even my grands. All he cares about is the money from ss from my daughter for those children. It’s his supply and they are his puppets. I’m worried about the children and how he treats them. As for a narcissist I don’t know where they get the notion they are better and more deserving. Most have been sexually abused in childhood, neglected, mentally abused, or bullied. I’m sure they have low self esteem, no confidence. So I’m wondering are they just big bad bullies trying to get back at the world for what they went through.?
I am also experiencing pain like no other. I have been fighting to deal with this relationship and the pain it has caused me for years. I continue to go back. Ecuador it ‘seems’ like it will get better but it only gets harder and harder… I have only just begun to realize and understand the narcissist part and while it makes more sense it still leaves me in pain, unable to breath sometimes and sobbing in tears. People don’t understand why I can’t just let go and move on.. it’s changed who I am and who I thought I was.. I try and try but … well, struggle daily… i hope someday it will get easier and the pain will lesson and I can find myself again.
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