She sees her personality as no nonsense and tough

She sees her personality as no nonsense and tough

I’m really struggling with a 30 year friendship.  I’m able to take time off from us if needed but it definitely makes things awkward.  M is a very loving, outgoing, BFF to everyone type.  We’ve been friends since childhood.  We lost touch for several years as she started having kids very young.  She’s gone through way more than any average person has in their lifetime and she’s not even 40.  She’s lived through emotionally abusive parents, physically abusive husband, and the murder of her baby by a man she was dating.  It’s not been easy!  There’s major PTSD going on in there.

I struggle to keep my cool sometimes for these reasons:
– She’ll ask a question like, “How are you?”  You barely begin to answer and she’s already talking about how her aches are worse, her kids are crazier, her work is harder, etc…
– There’s also the every man hits on me thing.  She really thinks a guy saying hello must mean they are trying to sleep with her.  It’s so…ugh!
– She complains non stop about her illnesses, her husband, raising her kids, and her other close relationships.

I do care about this girl.  She is a very fun and fun loving person.  How do I get her to shut up? How do I get her to see she does these things?  These things she does really affect how much and how often myself and my husband can tolerate being around her.  I truly feel she would make an effort to change,  we’ll maybe?  She sees her personality as no nonsense and tough if you don’t like it.  I know it’s affected other relationships she’s had.  I really don’t want her hurt or to feel like I don’t care about her life.  Any suggestions?  Thanks

2 thoughts on “She sees her personality as no nonsense and tough

  1. Relalize that you are able to feel andthat she is not capable to feel. Its just a thrill. You can’t change her no should you compromise to 4th. You have your own family and problems that you minimize for her sake. She does not care what you compromise or feel unless you are feeling bad your her. Walk away and her ready for mom sense to start. Focus on you and notice how much she can careless. Try to get her undivided attention and watch how she uses it against you when you are overwhemed with her. Not your monkey not your circus has to be your attitude

  2. Does she have any other support? She may actually NEED help… Please be aware that many people recovering from abuse, particularly with PTSD, are terrified of directly asking for help, as thats when predators strike the hardest, Whether or not they believe someone can be trusted, because they’ve been proven wrong before, and it takes a LOT of time and effort to re-write the neural pathways developed through traumatic experiences and years of abuse. Recovering from a narciopath is a very difficult process… Also, if someone spent a lot of time in isolation, either forced or self imposed, conversational skills become eroded (one reason solitary confinement is often considered torture) She could also have other conditions you aren’t aware of (or even she, perhaps!) Such as pervasive depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder, or even autism (which has a much different way of presenting in women) Or, she could actually have narcissistic personality disorder herself, in which case… see the post above ^^^ lol

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