Discussion Board

Discussion Board

👄I was chatting with someone the other day and they asked me if my ex partner was on his deathbed and wanted to see me, would I go? Well now, let me see…Meeting with him again would be just about as appealing as an encounter with a rattlesnake.
Do I think he would have reflected on his life and would try to make his peace? No.
Do I think he will have seen the error of his ways? No.
Would there be any sort of apology? No.
Would he show any remorse? No
Would he have changed and mended his ways? No.
I think I would just let him pop off to wherever he’s going without a final visit. I have had my final chat with him and that was a long time ago.

What would you do? Would you go and see them that one last time?

11 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. LOVE THIS! For ALL of those who have been abused by a narcissist, the pull of romantic delusion must be hit straight on with clarity. They are PERSONALITY DISORDERED. They do not have the ability to make any true, self-reflective changes. I personally experienced this while still married to the exN. We had an emergency landing from a flight while on vacation as he passed out and had symptoms of heart attack. The next morning he told me “there’s nothing wrong between us, it’s all outside of us”. WOW, that was a biggie from him, OR SO I THOUGHT. Within ten minutes his narc daughter returned his call (from the night before, she was so unconcerned that her father had been hospitalized) and the first words from her mouth were “what’s wrong with you THIS TIME that I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING”. Literal words – I could hear her loud and clear. The exN? Straight into trying to draw her in with descriptions of what happened, and she was having none of it. After their brief call, he got off the phone and told me “wow, she’s going to look into her medical books and see if she can figure out what happened”. Not only had that conversation NOT HAPPENED – I could hear everything she said – his EGO went to that length to protect him from the pain of once again being rejected by his princess daughter (she’s the golden child). He immediately snapped right back into the “old” mode of personality. Where did he put all that rage at being so coldly rejected? Two nights later, while lying in bed, he decided to give me the silent treatment. I was reading, and playfully traced his “butt crack” with my toe, telling him “if you’re not talking to me you can’t sleep with me”. He flipped over and FUCKING STRANGLED ME. Were he on his death bed I and ask to see me I would go in the opposite direction. I KNOW what he’s about. I have his black and white neuropsych eval diagnosis. I would not become “narcissistic feed” for him EVER AGAIN.

  2. Really in two minds on this one.
    My initial reaction was ‘yes- to make sure he actually goes.
    Then the most rational response is- NO way! As it’s one last bid for control by him.
    He did have a near death experience after I left him. I took our 3 children to see him in Intensive Care- I went as their support – not for him.

  3. No and neither would his kid’s. He turn his back on them when he could no longer control them. He has played the victim even though he was the abusiver, cheater, lier in our relationship. We have all struggled with living with narcissistic and each of us have to deal with the anxiety because of the relationship
    So my thought and my adult children he is already dead to us. He made the choice so he can live with conscious. Karma

  4. No.
    Neither would his kid’s. His is dead to them. He was emotional, mental and verbal abusive to me and his kid’s. Turn his back on them when they wouldn’t let him control them Anymore after his lieing and cheating and not taking any responsibility and playing the victim. Karma rolling around

  5. Yes I would go.
    And I would hold his hand as he took his last breath.
    Why? Because he is my children father. Because I would allow him the opportunity to choose his final words to me, whatever they may be (toxic or not).
    Because at this point his toxicity would hold no venom…….❤️

  6. in the first place, he is probably paying someone – and playing someone – to tell you he is on his death bed – !

    in the second – no – just no. why become a target for his last shot of venom – ?

    i went to my mother’s death bed – she was a covert abusive narc. She got some last minute mind twisting insults leveled at me as did her golden child – why risk re-opening all these wounds – god – don’t go. take care of yourself – they can’t accept your kindness anyway – they hate having their hand held – – leave them alone!

  7. I just learned that my sister is a narcissist and that my dad was one as well. Dad was a drinker and so is Sister. I always thought this weirdness was alcoholism. It’s not. It’s narcissism. Now that I’ve studied this a bit and have conducted a some forensic psychology all the crap started when we were kids, waaay before she was a drinker. It all makes sense and alcoholism is just a sidekick.

    I didn’t visit my sister or my father (they lived together) but maybe a handful of times in 20 years. They had no deep interest in visiting us either. Whenever I’d go there and encounter some of the locals (their friends and acquaintances), I’d get this weird vibe that these people strongly disliked me. Turns out, I’ve been the subject of a long-running smear campaign. These flying monkeys can’t stand me.

    You see, I learned that my brothers and I were “runners” as in, we “ran” away from home as soon as we came of age and have been living our lives away from the old homestead ever since. We didn’t take part in dad’s care. We wouldn’t have been able to if we wanted to anyway. Sister placed herself front and center as a martyr for dad. She also brainwashed him into believing we didn’t love him. She also tried to convince us that he didn’t love us either. She’s also tried to get our father to write us out of his will. She’s good at “triangulating.” She’s been doing it for years.

    Deathbed: My dad was on his deathbed back in November under at-home hospice care. I could not make myself go and say goodbye. I just couldn’t do it and I didn’t know why at the time. I just thought I was a coward and perhaps that’s true to an extent. But I just couldn’t deal with either my martyr narcissister nor my narcy dying dad. I just couldn’t.

    So I didn’t. I no longer feel guilty for it. There was a reason and the reason is because that fucker still scared me.

    I don’t hate either one of them. They’re pitiful creatures. I pity them privately because I’d never give my sister the pity she craves. She’s a covert narc and a constant “victim” of everything.

    I can love them from far away. I can remember the good times because there were good times and good memories. I can understand that they have/had a mental illness and most likely will never be fixed. In the case of my dad, he lucked out and his narc daughter took care of him. For her, she’s on shaky ground. Her siblings are going to leave her alone and love her from afar. We understand what this (narcissism) is about and we have to detach for our own well being.

    Sadly for her, she’s going to live her life as a “collapsed narcissist.” She’s drinking hard now. I’ll give her 10 – 12 years tops.

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