Sorry it’s long winded pleas bear with me. I’ve had no contact with my NM now for nearly 8 years, at the age of 31 my boy being 2 years old it hit me it was like a switch, I don’t want or need her BS in my life anymore and after trying to use my son against me that was the end. After lots of abusive messages and emails telling me I was the one in the wrong and telling everyone who would listen that I was an awful daughter etc., which I ignored she drifted away, she moved and moved again so I couldn’t find her (which made me laugh because I wanted NC).
Now over the last 8 years I have found out more of her lies and evil… at 12 years old I found out by them having an argument that the man I thought was my father in fact wasn’t (which although was extremely painful to deal with it explained his coldness towards me). She then refused, until I was 27 years old, to tell me who my biological dad was. When she did tell me she was kind of forced into it as I had contacted her step father (my grandfather but had no relationship with), asking for info and explained she refused to tell me. She gave me a name, where he lived and the reasons she didn’t want me to have contact (of course he was abusive physically and mentally to her and she was scared of him and wanted me to have nothing to do with him because of this, she was protecting me).
I, knowing my NM lies permanently set out to find this guy. I found him eventually and slowly we began to build a relationship, it was amazing I’d finally found someone who loved me my dad that I’d craved and wanted so bad as kid and adult but it all started to go wrong after 5 years there were things that were said that didn’t make sense. Eventually I got some truth…my NM had written him a letter when I was 16 years old telling him I had died in a car crash! Obviously he was devastated at the time and had grieved! So it was a shock for him when I got in contact but he choose to not tell me what my NM had said but obviously it came out. It made me feel sick to my stomach why would she do that? Pure evil!! So after a rocky few years with him, I asked him to do a DNA test (just had that gut feeling) DNA came back 0%!!! My world fell apart, after 10 years of thinking he was my dad I find out he’s not. I felt guilty and extremely sad for him she had stopped access to him from the day I was born, moved and moved so he would never find her then the letter when I was 16 then me turning up at 27 to then find out when I’m 37 that actually I’m not his! Communications stopped between us but he did give me a few names of men it could of been, and turns out she was the local bike and it could be any one of 5 men, 3 of them do not want to know they have their own families and life and the other 2 have not replied. I was angry, heartbroken just an absolute mess, so I sent a copy of the DNA to her work place with a note asking her for correct info. I then receive an email from her telling me she owes me nothing, it was all my fault she’s gonna get lawyers on to me for slandering her name etc. I ignored that and did nothing else that was a year ago but now I feel I cant let this go, I want her to know that I know all about her lies and the hurt she has put so many people through by her evil, I’ve thought about writing it all in a letter sending it to her, I just want her to hear what I have to say. I’m not after contact at all but feel angry that she can get away with treating people like this! Would you write a letter? Go to a lawyer? What are you suggestions/advice on moving forward I’m at a loss on what to do next. 💔