It’s so hard to focus on the bad

It’s so hard to focus on the bad

It’s been three long years since I left and my head and my heart still hurts.  I keep remembering the good times every day.  It’s so hard to just focus on the bad.  I’ve done all the reading,  been to counselling and still I can’t stop thinking, ‘What if?’  I know that I couldn’t have stayed and that I’m better off on my own but I can’t seem to break the chains that seem to keep me stuck with my thoughts.  Please help.

One thought on “It’s so hard to focus on the bad

  1. It does take time to heal and three years is not that long although it can feel like it is. I admire your strength in getting yourself away from him. I have the benefit of it being a very long time ago and the gratitude I have for escaping a miserable future is immeasurable. My life is good and I am happy!

    Be kind to yourself and keep remembering that you did the best thing for your survival. The ‘what if’s’ are fantasy and your mind and heart longing for who you believed he was at the time before you saw the truth. It can help to break the chains by some simple actions such as removing any physical reminders of him such as gifts he gave you, jewellery, photos, clothes you wore that he liked – or didn’t! TV shows, films or music also. Objects carry memories and triggers. I was ruthless in getting rid of stuff! Avoiding places that you went with him if possible, or not allowing people to mention the past. Healing takes effort and action and rather than just waiting for it to happen we can do a lot by using our will when the memories and feelings take us by surprise. It took time and actions to form a bond with him and it will take the same to undo it. Your will is key.

    The dream of a loving relationship with the right man that you were following, still exists in
    your heart and it can be that which is causing the grief that you feel at times. That shows that your dream is still alive and can be fulfilled with the right person when you meet him. You now have experience of knowing what the wrong person is like, and the wisdom to recognize a good man when you meet him.
    I think you’ll be just fine!

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