Is this all an act?

Is this all an act?

My narcissistic ex and I share a child, 3 years old.  He sees our son two days a week and one evening.  Our son is often telling me how he spends most time with narcissistic ex wife because ‘daddy’s working.’  She even does the exchange, even though my narcissistic ex is available, just because.

I have been a single parent since our son was 10 months old.  I just put myself through nursing school so my time was filled with school or work.
My question is that my narcissistic ex is always spending money or taking our son places every time he’s there.  It’s go, go, go.  He seems to be the ‘fun’ dad while I have structure.  So naturally as a toddler he tells me and I’m glad he gets to experience things.  But, I ask myself does he really care or just doing this for show?  My narcissistic ex mother ‘buys’ her love with gifts and other things, and I’m wondering if that’s what my narcissistic ex does too?  They are both extremely competitive. My narcissistic ex mother even tried to control our wedding and the birth of our son.  Always looking at what I did or how much money I spent.

My heart wants to believe that he loves our son but the things he’s done to me and him have been beyond disheartening and extremely selfish.
Is this all the narc act?

4 thoughts on “Is this all an act?

  1. Probably, but does it really matter? You can’t control that part of your son’s life unfortunately. Just keep doing what you are doing. Structure consistency is what kids really need. And regarding the wife spending time with your son, is she kind to him? Might be better than time spent with Dad?

  2. Children have an inbuilt instinct for who really loves them and it has nothing to do with how much money is spent or doing activities. They need structure and routine and a stable home and parent and you are the one providing that not him. It seems like you have already answered your question about it being an act.

    Giving your time and attention and listening to children is what builds love and security not material things or money spent.

    It’s early days and you don’t know how things will change in the future. Your son will grow up and will know who really loved him and will see through it all. Just continue being a good Mum and loving your little one and meeting his needs and making a good life for both of you.
    Well done on your career!

  3. Honestly yes it is all an act I am sure it is to buy the attention of the kid because he doesn’t want the child anymore of the time does he unless he is filthy rich he would run himself broke and believe me any narcissist is not going broke for anyone but themselves he will lose interest in the kid when the child gets old enough to realize that it’s all just to buy his attention because the man has no emotional connection then when the child does admire him so much the kid won’t mean as much so he will stop doing it trust me a true narcissist has a reason 4 everything

  4. Yes, it is an act. A narc does things for a “reason”. Most narcs will be parent-of-the-year, not for the benefit of the child, but because there is an audience they are trying to impress. It’s all for show. And it’s also so he can say “look at all the stuff I do for you” to try to look like the better parent. Children eventually figure it out – maybe not until they become parents – but they’ll get it.

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