Is it just another lie?

Is it just another lie?

I am struggling with a break up from a narcissist.  I’m hoping I can get some advice from you or the page.  We have been together almost 2 years, he also an addict that has relapsed several times over the course of the last 2 years.  I thought I was doing the right thing standing by him through each relapse and supporting him emotionally, financially and spiritually.  Each relapse would come with I want to change, I wanna be better.  Now I’m pregnant and he’s facing jail for violating his probation.  He’s choosing to run from the law all the while telling people he won’t go in until he speaks with me.  I spoke to him about a week ago and let him know that if he SHOWS he can be a better man a person then I have not problems starting out slow, but since then I have cut off contact.  He relentlessly emails me explaining to me how much he loves me and how much he’s in this and if I just hold on a little longer he wants to show me.  Given our history I can’t take anymore broken promises and I am stuck wanting him, but at the same time wanting more for me and my baby.  My heart breaks everyday and I can’t seem to get out of this funk.  What do I do next??

I’m having a hard time with the emails too.  I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or if it’s just another lie.  I want so much for him to be the man he’s showed me before, but he’s never that man for long.

2 thoughts on “Is it just another lie?

  1. I hear your pain and honor where you are at. You are in a very difficult position knowing his history and wanting a better life for you and your child. You have a great deal of strength. I have spent 13 years on a similar journey as you are on. I have learned that no amount of money, time, love, sex, and even prayer can change a person if they are not willing. I have seen standing by my husband in his addiction and mental health issues destroy so many lives, not only his. Wanting to believe is natural, wanting to trust his emails to you is natural. Actions do speak louder than words. Getting honest would require him to step up and do the right thing and turn himself in for the violation. Doing the right thing would be to see out twelve step meetings, and go for help. Until he takes responsibility for his own behaviors, wants to change, and gives it all he has I feel you may be getting on the rollarcoaster again. It is true that addiction is a disease. If he is a true Narcissistic person his needs will always come first. I would recommend for you to find support in your area, use the online form, and understand that healing from emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse is difficult but not impossible. No contact is the first step and you are ahead of so many. I do believe in prayer and support however if a person is not truly willing and I believe in your heart you know him well enough to know if he is there is nothing you can do. I am sorry to be so blunt. The energy you would give to him give to yourself and your child. Your pain is real. If he does the right things for an extended period of time and gets help then and only then would it be safe to consider starting out slowly. Asking yourself if you want your child to be raised by an addict? Dysfunction breeds dysfunction. I hope you can find support for yourself. Wishing you the best.

  2. I can feel your pain .Your story sounds exactly like mine , only now I am 14 years in with 2 children and his drug addiction just kept getting worse and worse. I now have some very hurt children because I stayed .I only made him leave two weeks ago although emotionally I left quiet some time ago . The problem is your ex knows what he needs to do but he’s putting it on your shoulders …my ex has does this to me for years and years . I believe nothing will change your situation …it will continue to spiral but I also know how hard it is to walk away . I had an alcoholic mother and then I stepped into this relationship that I don’t think I was ever happy in . I never had the love and support returned to me that I had given him never mind the money ! If I could go back in time I would do so many things differently but I can’t …now all I can do is hope that my parenting has been enough to guide my children the right way and get them the help they need so we can sl come out of this situation as a happy family . My ex will never go away because for all his faults he adores his children ….just has a funny way of showing it …but I hope to give my boys the skills to learn how to cope and deal with him without allowing him to cause so much pain . This is all very new to me but I think I can finally do it …..I would never wish for anyone to have the life we have had …think long and hard about what you are doing ..its a very difficult road .
    Xx

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