I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes

I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes

I am looking for advice.  I know I will sound like a bad guy and I’m willing to accept all responsibility and repercussions.  I met her in 1989 and had been friends until 2009.  I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship and an even worse marriage a couple years before.  I kept telling my ‘friend’ I wasn’t ready for a relationship at that time, but she kept pushing for it.  After a while, I gave in.  I think that was the wrong thing to do in the very beginning.  This woman moved her family for me twice in 1 year just to be by me.  After 6 months of living across the street from me, things in my life got really bad (health problems) and I pushed her away.  No, actually I ‘broke’ her.  This was not my intention at all.  After we split up and she moved back to where she lived before we got together. My health got so bad that I died, was brought back and was in a coma.  When I opened my eyes again, I was a completely different person (this was 3 1/2 years ago).  My eyes were open to beauty, life and most of all love.  I knew as soon as I woke up that she was the one for me just like she had told me the whole time!   She had already gotten with a man that was/is a complete narcissist.  I may have broken her, but this man destroyed her in ways I will never know.  She and I started talking again about maybe giving it another shot in the future, but just not right now.  I completely understand this.  Before we had a few talks about the narcissist man she left, I didn’t realize what abuse she had been through and spilled my guts to her.  She is/was and always will be the love of my life.  I would marry her in a heartbeat.  We are staying friends for now.  I am really wondering how I can help her.  I know I am a part of this puzzle that has engulfed her life.  I love her and want to be with her, but she is my friend first and foremost.  I’m just wondering if it’s possible for someone that feels responsible for a lot of this to actually be able to help her get her life back in order.  I know it will take time and a lot of patience, but I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes (even though she said she may never have those feelings for me again).  Helping my friend that I have known for the last 27 years is the most important part of this.  Will I be able to help or will it hurt her more?  I love her and don’t want her to suffer.  She really is my everything.  Thanks.

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