If I’m a narc, I don’t want to be

If I’m a narc, I don’t want to be

Hello, I’m trying to figure out if I’m a narcissist.  Back in the end of May, my wife left with our 2 year old son.  Leading up to that I had asked her for a divorce; I was willing to give her everything, all I asked for was to be able to see my son.  At the time she said no and that she loved me.  But a week later she never showed up to pick me up from work.  When I finally got home all of their things were gone.  I checked with her family and they had no idea where she was.  A few days later I got served with a protection order.  She is accusing me of physical and sexual assault.  Now I have argued with her and swear and call her names, and I’ve done it in front of our child.  But I’ve never threatened to or actually laid a hand on her.  A month before all this happened she started telling me I am a narcissist and that’s why I wouldn’t work on my issues.  I’ve had to file for divorce just to be able to go before a judge and ask for visitation with my son, but the court date keeps getting pushed back.  I haven’t seen my son in 2 and a half months.  She refuses to talk to her own family and let them see our son as well.  I just need help, I’m confused and scared.  And if I’m a narc I don’t want to be.  Thank you.

7 thoughts on “If I’m a narc, I don’t want to be

  1. Narcissists rarely ask themselves “am I a narcissist.” Narcissists are rarely able to examine their abusive behavior, like yelling and swearing, and admit it or own up to it.

  2. My ex never laid a hand on me, but I was terrified of him. You’ve shouted, sworn and called the mother of your child names, and your child has witnessed this, and you appear to think that’s acceptable. It’s not. I can’t say from what you written whether you’re a narc or not, but you’re certainly an abuser. I don’t blame her for leaving and taking your son; she’s protecting herself and her child from further abuse. You can get help for yourself, but don’t expect her to take you back.

    1. Perhaps she’s an abuser.. He admits his part .. He never denegrated her. You think she was perfect ? You weren’t there and you have no right to judge. Take your anger to a therapist and don’t project it on to him. I spend 18 years with a foul mouthed abusive woman who cursed me and my children. She threatened the same things. I was pushed into behavior that I regret. Doesn’t make me an abuser.
      The mere fact that he’s here admitting he’s not perfect and seeking answers should be applauded.

    2. Woo there! I don’t think he said what he did was acceptable, he just reflected on it. Likely due to confusion and anger, both understandable given the back ground. He is NOT a narc, but I suspect his ex is and manipulates in such a way that he feels like he does, and people similar to yourself who do not understand fully take her side.

  3. You are not a narcissist. Not by a long shot. The mere fact that you acknowledge narcissism makes you completely normal. Your ex wife however is. Just from what I’ve read here she has shown several traits. Advice on how to handle it is really not possible unless I know you both personally in my opinion. What I can tell you which will set you on the right path is to read as much as you possibly can about them. Learn their every trait. From there you will know more or less what to do. Most importantly eliminate contact as much as you possibly can. My situation was very much the same as yours, I also have a child. But be patient and calm and make sure every decision you make is done with a clear conscience. She will seem powerful at first, but do not show weakness, trust me that changes once you know their game. They become powerless an. You will actually see her as a joke. This is very important because you have a child with her, document everything! Good luck mate. It’s the hardest thing you will have to endure, but keep your spirits up and you will fly.

  4. Ok several things here

    You have had some form of toxic marriage, a few sentences don’t clarify who is at fault

    You need personal counselling support for several reasons,

    you have had a traumatic relationship breakdown and to be a good parent going toward you need to be in a good place yourself

    You have insulted and intimidated your wife in front of your child this is not acceptable and you need To Examine Your motivations and drivers for that so it doesn’t happen again

    You need to understand what happened and who was at fault, clue it will be both of you at different points, ask your counsellor to assess you for BPD disordered behaviour

  5. Definitely not enough information from you. I reread your statement and the one thing that caught my attention was “you won’t work on your issues”.
    May I suggest a book from a man that started men abuser’s groups in this country, ” Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft.

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