I want to pay my respects

I want to pay my respects

Over a year ago, my father decided to stop talking to me. Yes, a blessing for me, as I have no guilt about ‘no contact’.  He and my step mother are getting advanced in years.  I worry about my step mother’s passing.  I’m hoping for some direction in attending her funeral.  I certainly don’t want to create a scene, but I also want to pay my respects. I love my siblings and step siblings dearly.  Has anyone been in a similar situation, and how was it handled?

6 thoughts on “I want to pay my respects

  1. I haven’t been in this situation myself but I would say go ahead and go to the funeral, if your dad can’t put things aside for something as important than this, then there is something wrong. You might end up not being able to deal with this passing as well as you could if you don’t go to the funeral. Do what you think is right and do what makes you happy, don’t let other people’s opinion get in the way of what is important to you. I don’t know if this would have helped but it was worth a try. I’m open for anymore questions if needed, I can at least attempt to give decent advice.

  2. I say go to a spot that is safe and secure for you.. talk to her there.. she is with you always… I personally will not put myself back in a position that makes me uncomfortable or is going to bring conflict from the controlling people that do not like my boundaries. Sometimes what “looks” like the right thing to do ….is the time you make a change and do what’s best for you instead of what they perceive right or wrong. I feel you know in your heart that putting you in arm’s length of destruction can backfire and make you feel weak instead of strong. However, with all that said just do what your heart tells you to do. Just know you can honor her without putting yourself in a harmful environment. Many Many well wishes….. {heart, heart}

  3. you no your dad better than anyone and as much as it hurts he is not going to let his guard down and he will be waiting for you, but if you have the strength then go because there is no wrong or write but what you can handle. You can also have your own special time with her by hire-ring a priest or friends or just your self at her grave site the next day may you find peace of mind and a solution my friend.

  4. Is there anyway that you could reach out to your stepmother now? And your siblings and stepsiblings? I would think that would be so much more meaningful than waiting until the funeral.

    1. I will not contact my step mother. She was instructed to not send a Christmas card this year ~ and she didn’t. I sent her an email on Christmas Day wishing her a Merry Christmas…she didn’t respond. I don’t want to put her in a bad position with my father, because she will never leave him. And, honestly, I don’t want to open any type of communication with my father. She won’t let the matter rest until we ‘talk’. I am at peace with not having him in my life any longer ~ I don’t want to give up this peace for anyone. Selfish, though it may be 🙂

  5. Thank you all for the advice. My step mother is an enabler, though I don’t hold it against her. I feel sorry for her ~ for living with my father, for having to choose between right and wrong, etc. I know that I can go to the funeral and push through the unpleasantness. I have the support of my children and my siblings, should my father attack. It will be what it will be. The entire situation is just so sad on so many different levels. I don’t want to make it harder for my step siblings. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

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