I want my kids to be safe
I have visited with an attorney who has said that it is very hard and expensive to prove my husband has a narcissistic personality among other things. (Controls money, can go into a rage, unreasonable thinking, not trustworthy) In the end she thinks he would get the usual visitation for kids ages 8 and 4. She said he probably won’t take this all, but I would have to live in state until the youngest was 18. I mentioned my family living a few states away. She said if she was in my shoes she would go there, live near family, establish residency and file 6 months later. Tell him I was ‘working on the marriage’ and needed time to think. What is your opinion of this advice? Moving fast is easier said than done. I don’t want the kids to never see their dad. But I want my kids to be safe and right now if I send them off with him, I am not sure they are safe.
8 thoughts on “I want my kids to be safe”
Do what she says. I wish I had moved back with my parents before I applied. Well done for sussing things out before you leave. I didn’t fully realize my husbands capabilities before I’d left and by then it was too late. When someone who is controlling loses their control, that’s when you will see them for who they really are. It’s shocking.
I would do what the lawyer said and play nice until you have your ducks in a row. Be offensive instead defensive because the courts will screw you. I just finished a three year divorce that cost over 100,000 because I didnt play smart.
I have spent over $100k since 2009 and it isn’t over yet: 2 trials, many court appearances and I have done everything right!!!! But he is a psychopath.
All i can suggest is keep a cloud diary of every instance of this behaviour. A diary with other info in like drs appointments, car pool etc, but thus too a diary is a legal document and will be accepted in court as evidence. Keep it in the cloud with a secure password and dont go back to change any entries. Just make seperate “oh i forgot” additions. This way if it is called into question it wont show you making changed. You can then build up a picture of behaviour for the court
This is what I did. I used the opportunity of moving states to separate. I can’t file until November, but even at only 20 minute drive apart (he moved states too), he doesn’t visit or call the kids. I’m not going to stop him from seeing the kids by any means, but overnights worry me. He yells a lot and doesn’t feed the kids beyond snacks. He proved this would continue when he had them all day during memorial weekend and they only had chips and ice cream. I’m not going to try to prove abuse, but as far as I know, him moving out before I filed, and then making no attempts (aside from once) to come see them or talk to them, will work against him in the end. Absolutely look into moving. It’s only been a month for me, and there is so much peace and happiness in our home. It’s a nice fresh start in a home with no bad memories.
Your attorney just gave you the best advice anyone can. Get out of the state you’re in, move with parents if necessary, position yourself there for the amount of time necessary to establish domicile and file there. Get in the driver’s seat of this nightmare he’s about to put on your life. A narc losing control becomes the ugliest of ugly. Stop worrying about your kids seeing their dad. Worry about giving your SELF a good start to provide for them and their needs. You need to be ultra careful to maneuver this in your favor. As far as keeping notes, that’s fine, but I agree with your attorney – proving he’s a narc is going to be an uphill battle. Rather than that route, be smart and OUTSMART him. Get the jump, quietly. Good luck.
Go, go now… wish I had! my son is 12, I’m 52, and I am stuck hours away from everyone, and I have nothing and will have less when my son is out of school and I can finally leave
Run. I’m stuck with five kids going through a divorce and he has completely turned them against me. It’s like living in the twilight zone as me and the kids are so close. They just know they need to align with the power for self preservation. I’d do e a fly as your attorney said. I did t have that option. Play nice!
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