I still miss him

I still miss him

I just really miss my narcissistic ex, we have talked on and off for months, and recently we haven’t talked in 2 weeks.  I try to make myself realize that I am in love with his mask, not the real him, but I still have trouble with that.  I hate seeing him fall in love with another girl even though I know she is another victim.  It’s just so hard and right now I really want to message him, I know I shouldn’t, but I still miss him and love him.  I know if we do talk again I will have to deal with the anger was, yelling, and him changing his mind every minute, but I’m starting to think it may be worth it…

12 thoughts on “I still miss him

  1. No. It’s hard I know! Three weeks in myself. But your self worth is growing again you just have to look! Look forward! Not back! Hang with real people! You will heal. But you have to want to. Good luck

  2. I totally understand , I’ve been divorced from my ex for 5 years now. At first and for the first 4 years I felt the same as you, I missed him so much and seeing pics of him with his girlfriend made me sad. I looked real close at the pics and a lot of the the time they weren’t sitting next to each other and the look on her face was a look I can relate to because it’s a look that he caused by the way he treats people. She looked very sad and angry and that’s how I felt when he would abandon me at outings. It just reminded me how unhappy I was with him, do I want to feel like this again, NO. I now can say I don’t miss him ! Do things with girlfriends, family . Keep busy and you too will forget the feelings you have for him . Don’t text him, he will draw you back into his web !!!!!

  3. OMG I AM GOING THROUGH THE VERY EXACT SAME THING! Although he just sent me a message the other day after our two weeks of no talking and 4 months of on and off, EXACT same situation girl and I cannot even believe I’m writing this to someone in my exact shoes. We HAVE to let go. I was about to break down and message him back but I found this instead. The same things go through my head: I miss him, I love him, I miss who I thought he was….but really, he is an EMPTY SHELL just preying on your emotions and being a chameleon (becomes whatever you want him to be and mimics whatever you do….I found that very odd for the longest time and now I understand). What you MUST REALIZE and what I’m trying to make myself realize through the cobwebs and fog, is that he is an empty shell. He isn’t who you think he is. He doesn’t even know who he really is because who he REALLY is, is a faceless shell under the hooded jacket. Like Voldemort from Harry Potter! I know that’s a weird comparison and I’ve actually never voiced it before, but think about it. He feeds off other people, victims and true people. His only real desire is to come into power and he needs other people’s supply to do it. He doesn’t and never did love you. It’s not you, it’s him. Really. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. And it’s not because of you, it’s because he doesn’t know what love is. Doesn’t know HOW TO love. It’s sad really. And he never will. Sure on Facebook or whatever it may seem like him and the other girl are super happy, and they might be, for five minutes. Until he starts treating her like he treated you. And even after all this that I’ve said, I still miss mine. It’s so sad for us too. Because we love something that isn’t real, and we could be missing out on real love because we are wasting our time on this truly soul-less being. I’m going to try to take my own advice. But even after I send this, I know I’m going to want to message him. Because I miss everything about him. Another one of my friends told me about her former narc, and she is married now to a different guy, with a daughter. She has this great life and she does love her husband. But you know what? She looks at his page every day. EVERY DAY. I’m sorry to tell you this, but it’s because I’m trying to help and prepare you……you won’t ever get over this. These people have done something to us that we can’t ever change. But we have to be STRONG. Because they aren’t real! And they don’t deserve us. We deserve MUCH better. Don’t get sucked into the pain and suffering again just because you miss his smile, his touch, his love…his LIES, his DECEPTION, his DECEIT. Be strong. Much love and take care.

    1. Wise advice and I hope you listen to yourself too!!! Soul-less, perfect description. The entire relationship I had with my narc was one-sided – MY LOVE – he is incapable of truly loving anything and sucks his “being” from those around him. My God, he even started STEALING THINGS I SAID AND CLAIMING THEM AS HIS OWN. How F****** PATHETIC IS THAT?
      I’m blessed to have his B&W diagnosis from a neuropsych eval that he’s got deep seated narcissism, amongst other things. A nurse friend of mine read the report and believes he’s descending into Alzhieimers, which is PREVALENT in his family, generation after generation. I may have dodged a bullet here.
      Stay STRONG.

  4. Hi! I’m going through this same thing and have been for 6 months now…I try so hard to cut him off with no contact but I haven’t been able to…I miss him so much …I know he’s not good for me and that he will never change but he says all the right things and is trying to pull me back in…it’s so hard even when you know the truth. I have never loved someone so much and I feel empty inside with out him. He keeps going back and forth on wanting to be with me again and blames it all on me …that it’s mine fault that we aren’t together and I’m the one who hurt him He laughs at me when I cry and makes fun of me but then says how much he loves me …idk what to do. I know he isn’t good for me but I can’t let him go I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I am a strong women and own my own company and I still fall for everything he says hoping it might be real when I know in the end it will never work out. I’m sorry I’m not any help but I wish you the best

  5. I know it’s difficult to hear, but DON’T do it. I just made the grave mistake of meeting back up with my ex of 10 years after NC of 3 months. It wasn’t even two days into us having fun, him calling me baby, telling me he loved me to death, I caught him trying to hide a text from a skank. I called him out on it, as he sure didn’t tell me he was trying to have his cake and eat it to. The rage flew out of him like a demon spitting fire. He pulled a gun on me and kicked me out. This was Tuesday night, and I can’t erase the image of him and his horrific rage with a shotgun. He could have even just accidentally shot me. And several texts in the last two days, he cannot be man enough to apologize for doing something so unnecessary and scary. I always read that it only gets worse if you go back, and it was all roses until he got caught being an asshole. I never ever thought he would do that to me. It’s so sad that we sweet hearts go through this. Just know that your love for who you thought he was was real, and that’s something he can never experience. He is destined to be empty and cold and full of hate while you have a chance to fly high and find a new destiny. And yes, I still do love mine and am devastated that I realize there is no ever seeing him again. But all I can do is just continue to love him from afar, pray for him, pray for me, and make each day as awesome as I can for me. No one deserves to be hurt, especially by someone they love.

  6. It is hard. I going through this right now.i just left a 14 year relationship.but i am doing the no contact.

  7. Remember … They see the good in you which they want for themselves… But the missing jigsaw pieces cannot be claimed in that way… Which means they never really fill the gap, they wander and seek it elsewhere.. This ant be sourced externally. Which is why they are always looking

  8. It’s been 2 years since I left, and it took 6 months for me to stop contacting him, even though he had been scouring the online dating services for his next victim before I had left. She has been with him since, and I feel guilty not doing something to get her away from him. I’ve met the woman before me, and after two years of his abuse her family physically removed her. I never knew anything about narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic people. Knowing what I now know, he is textbook! It’s only a matter of time before his current victim witnesses his wrath. I finally recognize what I believed to be love was all a lie. I am over him finally. Don’t go back ladies! Nothing will ever truly change.

  9. I was with “the love of my life” for 2.5 years…too good to be true I thought, hmmm should have listened to myself. No sign of what was to come but I found out we were going to have a baby and 3 weeks later I was single, heart broken, depressed and confused. It has been 2 years and I continued to let him mind scramble me to the point that I just wanted to not wake up in the morning. I have been in therapy for 1 year and it still took for me to actually talk to his girlfriend and hear the lies he was telling her about me just destructive embarrassing lies, all the same tactics, words, actions that I thought were unique to he and I and now I finally believe what my therapist knew right away. My entire relationship was a façade. No contact is the absolute only way to go. Unfortunately I have a child with mine and as much as he claims “she is the most important thing in the world” to him. He left me in the hospital while in labor rarely visits and always blamed me for his shortcomings, even blamed me for his lack of financial help…Luckily so far he has not taken any legal recourse for visitation so I have allowed supervised visits by an outside source so I don’t ever have contact. I am scared of him and scared of what he would do to my child.

  10. You all have to understand that you don’t love them and they can’t love you. It is an addictive, unhealthy attachment hunger. The problems start with you. Stop focusing on them and start focusing on you and why you would allow yourself to get sucked in and used by a predatory monster.

  11. I read since 2 months huge quantity of notes of those Narcisist and i must confess I believe we the community we are describing a pathology which actually is not exhisting.

    We are describing narcisist as a lier as a good romantic guy which is making good sex the first weeks months year as a charming person at least during first time as an hemotional vampire as a twisted sould which is a changing personality as an addict to presence of the partner as a peteroan somebody unable to keep promise as a former kid with deep wonder –

    Dear Audience dont you think you are getting a little out of your direction?
    Lies are existing since always and there are not a sign patology – into the first idillic phase boy and girls are loving each other with passion – sex is a discovery for both – what are we imagining that love should be not less then explosive? Should we look to a charming lover with suspect because stupid notes on narcisism? Of course lovers are addicte each other of course lovers feed their sould with tendresse and attentions of course the most stronger passion can turn a desaster – this is the risk of every fragile romantical relation – do we have to invent a patology to describe the war that very often took place between ex lover ? Should we invent a sort of criminalisation for a human unable to be in harmony with her his partner? Which is the responsability of the poor narcisist for what he she has experienced when was 4/5 years hold? I can not read anymore about all those stupidity related to a psicological profile of somebody that may be trying to protect older wounds is acting been unable to express him self in harmonic way..are we condidering a blind person a bad person just cause unable to use his her sight? Why should be not able to tolerate the deep existential wounds of a poor human devastated by a difficult event in his childhood ??? Keep meeting your former partner or stop to meet him – but without evoking any specific personal risks than risks related to the risk of loving ..

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