I can’t get him to leave

I can’t get him to leave

Please help. I have been trying to end my marriage to a narcissistic husband for over a year. He just won’t go. I own my home so I can’t get up and leave him. Everybody says about going no contact but I can’t even get him to go. He keeps threatening to leave because he said I am the abuser and if I only did what he said we would be happy. I tell him that’s ok. I even tell him I don’t love him and I will help him to get rehoused, I have even said I will make payments to him to help him out financially but he just never goes and then talks to me about plans he has got us like nothing has happened. I don’t know how much longer I can take him putting me down and finding fault in me for some awful rages he goes into. Often ending up him breaking something in our home or throwing thing at me. Please, where do I start to get him to leave? If I called the police I know he will kill me. I am so afraid. Please help.

10 thoughts on “I can’t get him to leave

  1. Hi, how awful for you! I totally understand your fear. I would suggest getting in touch with women’s aid in the first instance. 0808 2000 247. You have total confidentiality with them. They will be able to help you. You don’t have to do this alone! And you will be believed. The fear of you going to the police says you know how serious this is and you need to get out of the situation. Please phone women’s aid as that first step. They understand and will not put pressure on you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with. Good luck to you. You are stronger than you realise!

  2. I wish someone left a reply. I too own my home and cannot get my narcissistic husband to leave. It’s been about a year of me saying I want a divorce. I am getting closer to fessing up that I don’t love him. I am scared to tell him but I’m afraid that won’t work. Id go right back to pretending. As long as I pretend, he won’t care. Because he is only pretending. He will never admit it. I think he would get over it quickly and pretend I never said a thing. This marriage is taking a huge toll on me. I need out. I have no where to run

  3. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am in the same situation but we own the house together and he refuses to sell and has the house tied up in other issues…anyway. Since you own your own home, what about selling it? I’m sure it sounds drastic but if he had no choice but to move , would he? If you can get a realtor to list it as if you were selling then move out and take it off the market. Then you could always move back in(or not). It sounds drastic but it in that situation where you don’t depend on him for anything – you have the ability to get away. By all means, do what you have to do. Your life will be so much better for it. Sometimes you need that fresh start to move on and be happy. Living with a narcisisst, that will never happen. Good luck, I hope the best for you!!

  4. I was in a similar situation. I had to get a lawyer and listen to every piece of advice he gave. I’m still going through it but making progress and I would recommend an attorney asap. At least then you have a legal record of his unwillingness to respect your wishes and his abuse.

  5. Have you served him an eviction notice?? You need to contact your local court system and find out how the eviction process works, and file for divorce. You will get through this, and you feel good about it.

  6. The next time he acts out physically, call and press charges against him and get a restraining order. A restraining order will prevent him from being able to come back into your home. Put his things in bags and leave them with his friends/relatives. Change the locks. Be firm. You have to do this and then stand firm. It’s your house, your property. Change the locks. Get the restraining order. And when he shows up at the door, do not answer, call the police. Once you have him served with the restraining order, he will become more upset so it is imperative that you totally avoid contact with him. Keep a copy of the restraining order on your person at all times and a copy of it by the front and back doors so when the police or anybody show, you have it handy. Also, avoid traps he may set for you with mutual friends. He will keep dangling his “love” for you like a worm on a fishing pole. It is his way of maintaining control over you. You have to look at it this way, if you became seriously ill, do you want this person to have control over you and your body and life? No. You don’t. So you have to do these things for self preservation. And once you do it, don’t back down. because he is going to be pissed and he will go into overdrive in ways to trick you. Best thing is to avoid total contact with him. After a few months, he will find another target and live off of her. Until then, you have to stay strong and do these things. Eventually, you will be able to go back to the happy life you led before you fell for his con. you know how I know these things? I lived it. But I left my home and moved to the other side of the country. I lost my beloved home. Looking back, I would have done things different. So I am telling you, it’s your home. He is the invader. Get the restraining order. He does not have your best interests in mind. He will continue breaking your things, including your spirit.

  7. If you truly fear for your life, then YOU must leave. Find a safe place to go stay (with a friend, or a small apartment). Get a restraining order (he has threatened your life so it will not be a problem to get one). This will keep him from approaching you or showing up at your place of work. File for divorce and let your lawyer handle your house and property settlement. You are in danger. A house is not worth your life. This man has abused, manipulated and hurt you long enough. You deserve a better life.

  8. I started to comment, but the phone rang, so i lost all of it. I am divorcing my Narc/addict and have filed a restraining order. If you get one DO NOT have any contact, or when you go to court on the order, it will look bad fir you. Also, i wanted to give you a website that has been very helpful for me. It is a,lady whi is a therapist, who has been thru Narc abuse, she does webinars and blogs about Narcissism and how to heal. It is Melanie Tonia Evans, they have been soooo helpful to me, along with my therapist. She understands what you have gone through, and most important helps you heal. Your soul and sekf-esteem have been shattered by this toxic person. I have even learned that on top of depression, anxiety i have PTSD, which is not uncommon. I saw a post that helped me, it said, “You will get better, but he never will”. Hope this helps, and God Bless you, i know your pain.

  9. I was in your situation a few years ago ,
    My daughter ended up becoming involved and basically asked him to leave , once he knew I was supported , he left , he did harass me for a few more years and I paid him money even though it was my house , intent no contact last year , and have never looked back , suffer some ptsd symptoms , but nothing could be worse then living a life with him , he has now moved on , engaged to someone else , and I. I longer have to worry about him , move forward , have strength and courage and tell him to leave

  10. Get a lawyer who really understands NPD. Do everything to protect yourself. Involve others who understand your situation.

    I left our newly remodeled home of 25 years. I hired a lawyer and it is still a very slow process.

    Remember a NPD reacts irrationally to being identified and losing control. I had no idea it would get worse and I would even have to move out of state away from my children and granchilren. He never misses a chance to flaunt what a victim he has been and what a nice guy he really is. He seems to be very convincing; even people who saw how he acted with me are believing his story.

    It cost too much in emotional and physical health to stay with a NPD individual.

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