How do I deal with narcissistic mum and enabler sisters?

How do I deal with narcissistic mum and enabler sisters?

I have recently discovered there is a name for what my mother has been doing all these years, narcissistic.  Recently she called me to tell me I better not bring my children to my cousins wedding, even though he called to tell us to because more seating opened.  She proceeded to call me a pre-Madonna & why do I get special treatment.  I was polite, but all she did was argue.  So I told her I will not argue & get upset about this, I’m pregnant I don’t need this stress.  I had to hang up because she continued.  Meanwhile both of my younger sisters have been her enablers/flying monkeys.  I tried apologising to my mom for hanging up, but told her I do have boundaries & won’t let people yell at me.  She didn’t like that so she said “I’m in a dark place, I hate my life, I’m just pulling the pregnancy pity card, I’m emotional, there is something wrong with my emotional state,” etc.  I was just like Wow.  I’m the farthest thing from any of that I’m sure not looking for pity, I love my life and my 2 little children & husband.  No matter what I said to defend myself she repeated this.  My sisters have continued to be all about my Mom, saying she lives alone, you hurt her hanging the phone up, you called me names when we were kids (by the way I’m 35), that’s your mother, etc.  By the way, she treated my Dad like this, and he lived through a hell of a lot, he’d always have to apologise even if he was 100% in the right.  My Dad passed 2 years ago, so maybe she is looking for someone else to attack?  Does anyone have insight on how to respond or deal?  Thanks!

5 thoughts on “How do I deal with narcissistic mum and enabler sisters?

  1. I really do understand where you are coming from on this, as my husband and I have just found out in the last week that his mother is a narcissist and we are in our 40’s! She has said some vile things, likes to slate her children to anyone who would listen, and even treated my father in law badly (he has recently passed away), so to see her treat him the way she did while he was poorly, is unforgiveable. So much so, since his funeral 3 months ago, we have had no contact. And guess what? She hasn’t been in touch with us, because deep down, she knows. She lied so much about his sister, that he didn’t speak to her for 3 years! And we believed the lies, because we just couldn’t believe anyone would lie like that. His sister has been back in our lives now for a couple of years, and they have discussed their childhoods and how their mother has only caused them misery. It is amazing how she controlled the family, she is a master of manipulation and deceipt. Even after my husband and his sister made it up, she has tried to split them up again!!! But her lies don’t work anymore. By the way, he does have another sister, but she likes to fuel the fire, so we keep our distance from her as well.
    So, I would say to you, the only way you will get peace, is to have no contact with your mother or your sisters, they are obviously on her side. You can’t win with people like this, unless you are prepared to leave them in the past.
    They want to hurt you, they take pleasure from turning people against you, they can’t do this if they are not in your life, good luck.

  2. I recently cut ties with my mother. I lost my father just over a year ago. I became her punching bag. He loved her until the day he died and she was awful. I left my husband of 24 years after my dad passed. He is a textbook narcissist and she stepped right in his place. I was taking Xanax and drinking midday due to the stress she was putting me through. My life is peaceful now. My dad was my best friend. Once I lost him everything changed and I realized how abusive my husband was and now my mother. There’s no room in my life for toxic people anymore. I’m in therapy to deal with and come to terms with all of this. It gets better each day. Don’t let her interfere with your happiness. That’s why she attacks you, because you are happy and she’s not. My sister is just like her and she’s moving in with her now. Since they’ve been together the abusive behavior increased. I’m through with all of them. My mental and emotional health means more to me now then they do! Feel free to email me. We could all use support from others who can understand and relate to emotional abuse. The effect it has on you is something no one can understand unless they’ve dealt with it.
    Good luck!

    1. Hi ther and Happy New Year …may 2017 be a better year for all of us struggling…your story is all too familiar and I am sorry to hear how difficult it is/was for you. I would love to email you so we can support eachother….I have gone no contact with Narc sister narc mother however, they continue to terrorize me through the rumors and turning so many people against kids and I…the hurt is overwhelming and at times I dont feel I can go on…its exhausting not to mention depressing…..would love to have some extra support and support others as well…this experience is very isolating…

  3. My mother abused me growing up by saying I was never good enough. Every night at the dinner table my whole family would take jabs at me. She would yell at me for folding her pants wrong or little things. Heck some days, she would yell at me for nothing. She always called me stupid, useless and always said why couldn’t you be like so and so. My last straw was I was pregnant with my first son and I finally told her. Her only comment was what will people think about me. I am 24 and I cut her out. It sucks that she was there for my wedding and the birth of my children. Cut her out of your life . It is better without her.

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