Feeling guilt for cutting off narcissistic father

Feeling guilt for cutting off narcissistic father

Can I ask a question please?  Has anyone with a narc parent who went no contact suffered guilt from cutting them off?  I find it hard to forgive myself for cutting off my father years ago.  What if he dies and I never see him again.  Will the guilt live with me forever?  Do people try to make up with them on their deathbed.  I just want to be able to live with myself.  Please help.

2 thoughts on “Feeling guilt for cutting off narcissistic father

  1. The one big thing I have learned from cutting off my ex-narc is that it doesn’t solve the problem of guilt and shame. What is difficult, but absolutely fundamental to realize, is that no-contact is not a permanant “solution” to the problem. Rather it is a tool for healing yourself. Isolation is never the best way to heal. We need connection and help to heal, but for a season, we need that connection and help from people who will not send us spiraling into deeper isolation and fear. I believe that an honest examination by anyone who has cut off a narc must come to the conclusion that we allowed the narc to hurt us. This has a lot to do with our own struggles with our own identities. Don’t get me wrong, their abusive actions were wrong and should never be tolerated or excused. But this does not mean we need to go on living in fear for the rest of our lives. Because what comes next? Do we just find another abuser to subjugate ourselves to? Or do we subjugate ourselves to an addiction? Do we become overly sensitive to every trigger? No. There must be a way past the fear. All of the fear. I’m still learning and processing. I imagine I will be in the no contact phase for a long time. But the goal for me is to teach myself how to not be controlled by anyone. That includes my actions AND my emotions. How to reach that goal is still a mystery to me. But I have hope that one day I will be able to see my ex again and not be triggered or afraid. That I will not have to look away in fear. That I will be able to be the better person in the long run and learn to forgive without expecting reciprocation. No, having a deep relationship with this person may never happen again. But I don’t think all hope is lost either. Heal yourself and you will find that you are strong. You will find that boundaries can be used effectively and I do believe that peace can be achieved. Again, I’m not there yet, but my hope is victory over fear. Not just some of my fear, but all of my fear. I hope this helps.

  2. I went to an attorney to pursue some illegal issues that I found while looking through the things my ex did and was told because I wasn’t married I could be held liable. Didn’t know what he was doing then, but in my discovery of what he left behind I found things. Did not matter that I was ignorant of them while he was here.

    While I would have felt inside better because he got paid back, I’m not that type and wasn’t going to put myself through it. So I just continue to hurt and hold the belief that it will get better for me in time and that he hasn’t changed and will get caught some day.

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