Do You Warn The Narcissist’s Next Target?

Do You Warn The Narcissist’s Next Target?

Many people want to know if they should warn their ex partner’s new target and let them know exactly what they are letting themselves in for.  Most kind hearted people don’t want to see others going through the same sort of pain that they, themselves, have endured.  They feel that by warning the narcissist’s new target, they will be believed and the new partner will kick them to the kerb and move on with their life relatively unscathed and forever grateful.  Think again.

focus-on-you-and-your-recovery

The general consensus of opinion is to leave them to it.
The narcissist is one step ahead so by the time you find out about their new partner, they have been spreading lies about you being the crazy ex…  How you don’t want to let them go and will do anything to keep them.  By contacting the new partner, you will likely confirm the narcissist’s accusations that you are the obsessed,  insanely jealous ex.  They do not want to and will not see the evil that hides behind the fake persona.  Instead of driving them apart, you will probably strengthen their relationship.  The new partner will sympathise with the narcissist who has endured such a difficult relationship with a psycho!

Let’s go back in time to when you first met the narcissist.  How would you have reacted to words of warning from one of their previous partners?   Would you have believed the words of someone who you believe to be crazy when all the evidence points to the contrary?  We all know that when you first meet a narcissist, they fool you with their charm and charisma.  You have no reason to doubt they are not your perfect partner. You’re a match made in heaven and nobody is going to tell you otherwise.

Let’s not forget that the narcissist is a pathological liar who is well practised in the ‘art of lying’ and they will, more than likely be believed.  You, on the other hand, will come not come out of this situation smelling of roses and will likely suffer further heartache as a result of your good intentions.

It’s difficult to think of your ex skipping off happily into the sunset with their new love.

Please remember, it’s not going to be a happy ever after scenario.  They haven’t changed.  Their new partner is blinded by rose tinted glasses. They will get the same treatment as you did a little down that road to their blissful lives together, maybe even worse.  Now is the time to stop thinking of everyone else and focus on you and your recovery.

Written by Anne McCrea

11 thoughts on “Do You Warn The Narcissist’s Next Target?

  1. Exactly right because his X before me tried to warn me and I had already been told about his extreme crazy behavior and lies. That is reason he left him well he was still in relationship with him and created one with me. But I didnt know that. He secured his new relationship and never told the old one anything just left them abandoned which was tragic because the guy wasnt strong enough to handle it and left with no support system he ultimately killed himself. Only to find after 11 years I was seeing what he was telling me and exactly the same thing he did to him, he also did to me. Change his job so I didn’t know where he was working, making excuses why he was never home etc etc. Only to find he had started another relationship not with just one but with two, A man and his Ex Lesbian GF who was also separated from her GF. This guy knows how to work it but he getting older now and with the passing of his father he is very insecure about ending up like his father. Alone and Old and with no children to help him.

  2. She was my best friend before he swept her away, so she heard some stories. And because we knew each other so well, our lines of communication remained open and we uncovered his lies time and time again, together, during those last 6 months of my relationship with him.

    In the end, he chose her, and she was so in love that she chose to believe his side of the story.
    Until he started showing her his true colours, pretty early in their relationship.

    The memories of what we went through were still fresh. And so were the stories she heard.
    It’s been a year and they have split up a couple of weeks ago.

    I knew it was pointless to tell her then and there. But i didn’t want to be an enabler. Especially when he was still trying to see me on the side. And she had been my best friend.
    I didn’t fully open up until I noticed that cracks were forming in their “perfectly happy” relationship.

    So no, it may not be a good idea to warn the new partner. But in some cases, it might help someone to cut it off before they’re all tied up in the relationship. It depends on the person really, and how well you know them.

    It also depends on the narc. I knew my ex wouldn’t be able to keep his shiny, perfect appearance up for long. Especially since he was annoyed with me and my friendship with her, which was only put on hold for a few months while I was too angry and hurt. When we started speaking again, that’s when the mask started to slip and she could see for herself.

  3. I tried at least ten times to show the new target what he was like. Even showed her proof of his lying and cheating on her many times.She always went back to him. He kept doing it again. They broke up a dozen times. Felt sorry for her but I tried. Never listened and the narc loved the drama.

  4. All of these stories sounds just like my ex-husband.Lie after lie and when I would asked him about the cell phone or texted messages I was the crazy one.he has cheat before when I was pregnant with our 6 child.swore it was the women who raped him..what a joke! But I forgave him . But then I got sick and everything changed he told my kids when I died they where moving out of state.that broke my heart. But once again I didn’t. Believe my family when they told me.well he has messed around with meny women since then .has lied to me and my kids.my question is how do deal with someone like that?that you have pored your whole life into?God knows how much I love him.but he has made his choses.

    1. I now sit and watch in amazement and disgust as he “uses” the latest victim; acknowledging that this WAS ME at one time… She is oblivious to what is happening and will one day wake up and smell the coffee…however it will be burnt 🙁

  5. I am one who wished I was told. I tried several times to break it off at the beginning but he persisted until I was hooked. A book that helped me love myself again is Psychopath Free. I’m thinking of sending a copy to his current victim. Problems is, he will probably have 6 victims a year.

  6. I’ve thought of telling his girlfriend but I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Right after we were married my ex’s first wife told someone that she felt sorry for me. Wow, I was like oh no what have I gotten myself into. Then I found out what she meant, and the torture went on and on. I divorced him after 12 years of this and even though he has been with someone for three years he has tried to have sex with me on a few occasions . When I said to him, I thought you had a girlfriend he just shrugged his shoulders and make a face like she didn’t matter. I’m so happy I didn’t get back with him ! Very sad that you can’t worn other people about these crazies but it would be to no avail and you will look like a jealous ex.

  7. Try and convince someone their Prince Charming is actually out to do them harm and they will not believe you. Just like my ex did not understand why I was leaving him when we fought for 20 yrs. I even told him 2 yrs before I left I was leaving (after our daughter graduated)! They will never get it. It’s like spitting in the wind and all you end up with is wet! Live your life and let them live theirs.

  8. my ex BF left me for another women with whom I was acquaintances of. we both had the same group of friends , all whom know of me and my e very well. the embarrassment and humiliation I had endured was devastating to me. I Made it my mission to destroy my ex and went after the new girl friend by bombarding her with text messages of all his deciete, lies,cheating, drug additions. I planted the seeds, as he always got himself out of it and played me to be the psycho. He actually got a restraining order against me in hopes that I would stop exposing him. It didn’t stop me. and guess what? she listened to me and watched him closely. was a matter of time before she busted him!! she left him immediately and thank me for saving her!! we are now friends and he is begging me back now lol. mission accomplished.!!!! don’t let them win ever!!!! destroy them as they do to us!!! it is possible. be strong and persistent , you will win!!!! I am soon happy I destroyed him. however he’ll just get another girl, but I don’t care, just as long as I don’t know her and she is not in anyway connected to me or my friends. This girl is a warrior survivor !!! you can be too xoxo

  9. I recently tried to “save” a guy I knew from my ex.
    I went and told him how she was sleeping with other men (i found out) and me again. They have been friends for a long time and now she is turning to him, as I left her suddenly. She was actually there when I told him. She tried to stop the conversation and protested loudly. I remained calm and said what I had to say. I was respectful twards him, I didn’t want him to be abused the way I was, but she is his queen and I’m sure what I said went unheard, but I tried and now I have a clear conscience

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