Do You Warn The Narcissist’s Next Target?

Do You Warn The Narcissist’s Next Target?

Many people want to know if they should warn their ex partner’s new target and let them know exactly what they are letting themselves in for.  Most kind hearted people don’t want to see others going through the same sort of pain that they, themselves, have endured.  They feel that by warning the narcissist’s new target, they will be believed and the new partner will kick them to the kerb and move on with their life relatively unscathed and forever grateful.  Think again.


The general consensus of opinion is to leave them to it.
The narcissist is one step ahead so by the time you find out about their new partner, they have been spreading lies about you being the crazy ex…  How you don’t want to let them go and will do anything to keep them.  By contacting the new partner, you will likely confirm the narcissist’s accusations that you are the obsessed,  insanely jealous ex.  They do not want to and will not see the evil that hides behind the fake persona.  Instead of driving them apart, you will probably strengthen their relationship.  The new partner will sympathise with the narcissist who has endured such a difficult relationship with a psycho!
Let’s go back in time to when you first met the narcissist.  How would you have reacted to words of warning from one of their previous partners?   Would you have believed the words of someone who you believe to be crazy when all the evidence points to the contrary?  We all know that when you first meet a narcissist, they fool you with their charm and charisma.  You have no reason to doubt they are not your perfect partner. You’re a match made in heaven and nobody is going to tell you otherwise.
Let’s not forget that the narcissist is a pathological liar who is well practised in the ‘art of lying’ and they will, more than likely be believed.  You, on the other hand, will come not come out of this situation smelling of roses and will likely suffer further heartache as a result of your good intentions.

It’s difficult to think of your ex skipping off happily into the sunset with their new love.

Please remember, it’s not going to be a happy ever after scenario.  They haven’t changed.  Their new partner is blinded by rose tinted glasses. They will get the same treatment as you did a little down that road to their blissful lives together, maybe even worse.  Now is the time to stop thinking of everyone else and focus on you and your recovery.
Written by Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon

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15 thoughts on “Do You Warn The Narcissist’s Next Target?

  1. Exactly right because his X before me tried to warn me and I had already been told about his extreme crazy behavior and lies. That is reason he left him well he was still in relationship with him and created one with me. But I didnt know that. He secured his new relationship and never told the old one anything just left them abandoned which was tragic because the guy wasnt strong enough to handle it and left with no support system he ultimately killed himself. Only to find after 11 years I was seeing what he was telling me and exactly the same thing he did to him, he also did to me. Change his job so I didn’t know where he was working, making excuses why he was never home etc etc. Only to find he had started another relationship not with just one but with two, A man and his Ex Lesbian GF who was also separated from her GF. This guy knows how to work it but he getting older now and with the passing of his father he is very insecure about ending up like his father. Alone and Old and with no children to help him.

  2. She was my best friend before he swept her away, so she heard some stories. And because we knew each other so well, our lines of communication remained open and we uncovered his lies time and time again, together, during those last 6 months of my relationship with him.

    In the end, he chose her, and she was so in love that she chose to believe his side of the story.
    Until he started showing her his true colours, pretty early in their relationship.

    The memories of what we went through were still fresh. And so were the stories she heard.
    It’s been a year and they have split up a couple of weeks ago.

    I knew it was pointless to tell her then and there. But i didn’t want to be an enabler. Especially when he was still trying to see me on the side. And she had been my best friend.
    I didn’t fully open up until I noticed that cracks were forming in their “perfectly happy” relationship.

    So no, it may not be a good idea to warn the new partner. But in some cases, it might help someone to cut it off before they’re all tied up in the relationship. It depends on the person really, and how well you know them.

    It also depends on the narc. I knew my ex wouldn’t be able to keep his shiny, perfect appearance up for long. Especially since he was annoyed with me and my friendship with her, which was only put on hold for a few months while I was too angry and hurt. When we started speaking again, that’s when the mask started to slip and she could see for herself.

  3. I tried at least ten times to show the new target what he was like. Even showed her proof of his lying and cheating on her many times.She always went back to him. He kept doing it again. They broke up a dozen times. Felt sorry for her but I tried. Never listened and the narc loved the drama.

  4. All of these stories sounds just like my ex-husband.Lie after lie and when I would asked him about the cell phone or texted messages I was the crazy one.he has cheat before when I was pregnant with our 6 child.swore it was the women who raped him..what a joke! But I forgave him . But then I got sick and everything changed he told my kids when I died they where moving out of state.that broke my heart. But once again I didn’t. Believe my family when they told me.well he has messed around with meny women since then .has lied to me and my question is how do deal with someone like that?that you have pored your whole life into?God knows how much I love him.but he has made his choses.

    1. I now sit and watch in amazement and disgust as he “uses” the latest victim; acknowledging that this WAS ME at one time… She is oblivious to what is happening and will one day wake up and smell the coffee…however it will be burnt 🙁

  5. I am one who wished I was told. I tried several times to break it off at the beginning but he persisted until I was hooked. A book that helped me love myself again is Psychopath Free. I’m thinking of sending a copy to his current victim. Problems is, he will probably have 6 victims a year.

  6. I’ve thought of telling his girlfriend but I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Right after we were married my ex’s first wife told someone that she felt sorry for me. Wow, I was like oh no what have I gotten myself into. Then I found out what she meant, and the torture went on and on. I divorced him after 12 years of this and even though he has been with someone for three years he has tried to have sex with me on a few occasions . When I said to him, I thought you had a girlfriend he just shrugged his shoulders and make a face like she didn’t matter. I’m so happy I didn’t get back with him ! Very sad that you can’t worn other people about these crazies but it would be to no avail and you will look like a jealous ex.

  7. Try and convince someone their Prince Charming is actually out to do them harm and they will not believe you. Just like my ex did not understand why I was leaving him when we fought for 20 yrs. I even told him 2 yrs before I left I was leaving (after our daughter graduated)! They will never get it. It’s like spitting in the wind and all you end up with is wet! Live your life and let them live theirs.

  8. my ex BF left me for another women with whom I was acquaintances of. we both had the same group of friends , all whom know of me and my e very well. the embarrassment and humiliation I had endured was devastating to me. I Made it my mission to destroy my ex and went after the new girl friend by bombarding her with text messages of all his deciete, lies,cheating, drug additions. I planted the seeds, as he always got himself out of it and played me to be the psycho. He actually got a restraining order against me in hopes that I would stop exposing him. It didn’t stop me. and guess what? she listened to me and watched him closely. was a matter of time before she busted him!! she left him immediately and thank me for saving her!! we are now friends and he is begging me back now lol. mission accomplished.!!!! don’t let them win ever!!!! destroy them as they do to us!!! it is possible. be strong and persistent , you will win!!!! I am soon happy I destroyed him. however he’ll just get another girl, but I don’t care, just as long as I don’t know her and she is not in anyway connected to me or my friends. This girl is a warrior survivor !!! you can be too xoxo

  9. I recently tried to “save” a guy I knew from my ex.
    I went and told him how she was sleeping with other men (i found out) and me again. They have been friends for a long time and now she is turning to him, as I left her suddenly. She was actually there when I told him. She tried to stop the conversation and protested loudly. I remained calm and said what I had to say. I was respectful twards him, I didn’t want him to be abused the way I was, but she is his queen and I’m sure what I said went unheard, but I tried and now I have a clear conscience

  10. I’m going to play the devil’s advocate. Depends on you whether u wana ‘tell’ to the new partner or not, SO LONG as your healing is not dependent on the outcome of their relationship. BECAUSE some narcissists and their partners do have happily ever again.

    Think: Charlie Chaplin (the nastiest pierce of N work ever) and his 4th and last wife.

    Also: my N ex and his current wife, and him n his ex just before me whom he thought of as the love of his life. Both women, while arrogantly holding the trophies of losing their virginity to him, as converse to his other exes like me who have the misfortune of losing ourselves to previous ex or rapists, are nearly just as precious and nasty as him, slutshaming all his victims despite being women themselves.

    Eg his ex before me, she left him for being a drug dealer but was very ok with him using his previous ex before her just for sex and then leaving her for her, AND that he conned an old ex into sleeping with him and then forcing the old ex (only a weeping 16yo then) into an abortion. “Child’s not yours!” She screamed n shutshamed the victim.

    Some people just deserve their own kind.

  11. First girl my ex dated after me contacted me about his narcisstic behavior not long after they started dating. Now he’s on to the next one. I won’t be warning her but pray she sees his narcisstic behavior before it’s too deep. Who knows she may contact me also.

  12. I just sent the ‘letter’. And boy do I feel soooo proud that I had the balls to do what a lot of people couldn’t do for me. If she doesn’t believe me, that’s ok my life doesn’t depend on the choices she makes. As soon as I sent the ‘letter’ I blocked her so there will be no more correspondence between us. She has all she needs, it’s now totally up to her and she has been with him 2 years now so by now I figure she may have begun to have some doubts. I went backward & forward in order to decide if sending the warning was the right thing to do. I read all the pros and cons and then made my decision based on the fact that YES it is my responsibility to describe how the charmer she is with singlehandedly turned 3 perfectly mentally healthy women into the psychos he describes. And yes, I also admitted aloud that not only am I doing this to warn her, I am also doing it to mess with his head, after all he loves playing this game with others now let’s see how he loves playing when he’s on the receiving end. Most important I have moved on and I am happier than I have ever been, so the outcome does not really affect me either way. And if something good comes from my warning, I have saved some poor innocent woman from becoming psycho no. 4 and going through the pain he enjoys inflicting on others just so he can get a hard-on without taking Viagra. LOL

  13. This is why, after my ex-bf and I broke up, I decided that if I were to ever meet his new gf, I would try to surreptitiously slip her my phone number and offer to listen if she ever started noticing strange, hurtful behavior from him and needed to talk to someone who understood. At least then, 1) It might plant the idea in her head that maybe this guy isn’t as great as he seems to be, and 2) I wouldn’t come across as attacking him, because I would be leaving the ball in her court, so she could talk whenever she was ready, if she ever wanted to.

    It’s been more than five years since we broke up, and I’ve never even run into him, so I’ve not met any of his new girlfriends (or if I did, I didn’t know they were with him). I assume he’s had at least one or two, maybe more, since then. I’m glad I’ve never been put in that position.

    Even if I had met one and given her my number (telling her not to mention it to him), it still might not have worked out the way I would have intended, because she probably would have told him anyway, and then he would make sure to tell her not to bother calling, because she wouldn’t be able to trust anything I would say, and he would probably even insist on making her throw my number away/delete it.

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