Discussion Board

Discussion Board

I’m sure most of you have been witness to ‘narcissistic rage,’ which is not unlike a childhood temper tantrum. How did you react? Did you stand your ground or walk away?

16 thoughts on “Discussion Board

  1. I’ve done both. Standing my ground did no good. Walking away was better for me

  2. Walking away is the only way to keep your own sanity. It’s like trying to reason with a toddler that doesn’t get his own way

  3. My ‘N’ was raised in an unemotional and 2nd or 3rd generation very religious family (depends on how one looks at it; I’ve done the research). When she has n-rage it is very repressed and comes out sideways, almost like passive-aggressive but worse. Growing up with that kind of negative energy hidden behind a veneer of charming perfectionism, it was very confusing. It is now, acting as her caretaker (I must be crazy but it’s a necessity) I have put the puzzle pieces together and can see how my life and individuality was constantly upended by her family’s unemotional yet perfectionistic behaviors. One would have to intentionally look for the hints of the real person behind the veneer after at first knowing something was wrong. But, their n-rage was clever: they’d play it right after giving that glimpse, creating confusion. I have learned to not immediately repeat efforts but pay attention to them during m first try and see their real self and by so doing, have unearthed many a hidden secret story or piece of information. Wish I’d had that info decades ago!

  4. I watched my ex dismantle her son one night until I stepped in and she turned on me. I raged back and wondered how somebody I loved so much was able to make me so angry. Another sign I ignored for too long.

  5. I used to stand my ground and defend myself until I realized it would never get through. Nothing would ever get him to see anything but his way. I left him.

  6. The rages I’ve witnessed by my NH are best handled by confrontation otherwise he thinks he has the right to continue to abuse.
    My NS on the other hand becomes so irrational and intense that going full-on No Contact was my only recourse. It didn’t stop the rages but at least I don’t have to endure them.

  7. Been there and done that, but have walked away from it. At first I was so taken aback, I yelled right back at him, but then I learned to just ignore it. He did it in my car a couple of times, and I told him to get out and made him walk home. That is a big reason I left, along with the cheating, lying, drug abuse. His tantrums were terrifying, and I told him I refused to walk on eggshells for anyone, ever. It is baffling to watch an adult get so upset over little things, it is ridiculous.

  8. The rage attacks on me started at age 8. I was a very confused and hurt child. I went No Contact for basically 10 years at 20. Let my guard down for 5. Then 3 more No contact. Then without wanting her back she reared her ugly head and finally 10 years ago it ended for good. With my Sociopathic Mom.

  9. With my N, before I knew better I would always stand my ground. This always made things worse, sometimes escalating into him destroying my belongings, trashing the house, and physical violence. After years of trying to stand up for myself and only being left in tears and confusion, I started to walk away whenever things escalated. This resulted in hundreds of phone calls non stop and insulting text messages, but eventually he would calm down and ‘apologize.’

  10. I would walk away because there was no way to reason with him. I would often busy myself with cleaning, vacuuming, etc. anything to distract myself from the harmful words and throwing of objects. When it would happen in the car, I would have to pull over until the shouting ended. He never apologized, just pushed blame onto me. Towards the end of the relationship, I stood my ground and he mocked me continuously for trying to do so. When he finally told me he didn’t want me living in the house, I heeded his warning and left with our son, two suitcases, and without batting an eyelash. I’ve been paying for it ever since though, but it’s better than waking up next to him on the days he was actually physically present.

  11. When it first started, we were newly married. My reaction was to reason with him, telling him that his treatment was upsetting and not the right way to treat me. He said, “It’s OK, we’re married.” I was speechless. He kept it up, and I never lost my temper or yelled back. That isn’t my way. Then when he’d attack, I started backing away. As it became physical, I’d back away and then flee to my safe room where I could lock the door and put a wedge under it. I progressed to leaving the house and spending the day away until I knew he would be asleep when I got home. Occasionally I’d try to discuss his behavior, which caused him to not speak to me for days or weeks or to start drinking even more heavily than before. I urged him to get help many times, upon which he’d get very angry. Nothing I ever did in response had any positive effect on his behavior, which was sometimes way out of control. I was afraid of him. After I finally served him with surprise divorce papers, he was flabbergasted. “I was so happy,” he said. REALLY? CAN YOU NOT SEE I’VE BEEN MISERABLE FOR YEARS?? And then of course the divorce became my fault. Looking back, I understand that all my trying to figure out how to help him and how to save the marriage was a waste of time. It always is with a narc.

  12. the narcissist I’m with hit me today , because I confronted him about other women on his social media that I had concerns about, I have been with him for 10 years and I am only a shell of who I was prior to meeting him . he has beaten me down to nothing , and took every ounce of self worth away from me and made sure I have nothing to run with or run to . I don’t know what I’m going to do I am so lost

  13. Oh God yes. I have just found this page and thank you for being here. I’m still living in this nightmare. I moved into HIS house with the promise of a future and as cold as ice, he’s decided it isn’t working out, leaving me on a low income and having to find somewhere to live. I’m just about holding it all together in a thread without hitting the bottle and when I look at all the work we did together in the house and garden, I could cry. I love him but I know I have to walk away, and I will. But any attempt at expressing how terrified I am at starting again at 52, and I’m being “negative” and “miserable” and the smallest discussion between us escalates. I actually take my hat off to his mastery of manipulative arguing / behaviour. It’s incredibly skillful.
    I’m just quietly making plans to leave, rebuild my life and learn never to trust again. I’m not sure, but almost every relationship I’ve had….is every man a narc? I just want to talk to someone about it.

  14. I just walked away when my sister, started to take her “narcissist rage” towards my daughter. She doesn’t even care about his daughter feelings, I wasn’t going to loose my time and energy talking and explaining my points of view to a narcissist. It can only exist one opinion, and that is their opinion, which is the correct one (on their delusional mind).

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