How long did it take?
It’s been four long years. I’ve done the counselling. I’m doing things for myself and I would say that I am content. I’m enjoying the peace but for some reason I still think of him every day. I try not to but the thoughts creep in. Will they ever go away? How long did it take you all to finally say… I’m there, I’m fully recovered? Does it ever really happen? I don’t think I’ll trust anyone again. I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone. Not what I dreamed of but I’m ok with it! I’d really appreciate your thoughts. ❤️
11 thoughts on “How long did it take?”
It’s been six years for me. He’s remarried and seems to have a happy life. Our daughter says they argue a lot but are generally happy. His wife still calls me the Devil or Anti-Christ. She and I have never even spoken, and I tried to get the divorce finalized as fast as possible.
I want to be happy for him.
But then I hear our daughter crying because he has money to buy stuff for his wife and her kids, but not for our girl.
Or I think about how I spent two long years barely surviving off the streets with my kids, petrified to be seen in public with anyone because the outing would turn into some sex affair complete with pictures of me walking up a sidewalk or something. Or I think about how six years later I hear his comments when I pick up the wrong brand of hot dogs or fold the socks differently. Or I think about how I see him in things my boyfriend of four years does or says…. And then I think about how I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to have a real relationship, a relationship without him lingering, ever again. And then I think about how he must have been right every time he implied how worthless I am.
I don’t think this will ever end.
I don’t think it ever goes away but I do think that how we use what we have learned from the abuse changes. I suffer every day after being in a 30+ year relationship with a covert narcissist. The anxiety, fear and worry for the future takes over at times. I have had a lot of trouble finding help over the past three and a half years. Mindful meditation has helped the most for me! Stay strong and know you are not alone!
My research says half the time you were together. In my case 20 year relationship so 10 years.
I’m 3 years since discard .. usual scenario. Mine is a covert so the double life thing is still hard to grasp.
Just divorced and settlement done. Our son is with me as she narcissistic raged against him a few times so he is a mess at 14. My daughters from first marriage ( also a N ) are both estranged from ex due to her behaviours, but still she doesn’t care – or cant remotely see why.
Coming out of co-dependency is hard. You really have to put all your love into you. I’m at the stage where I’m ready for a full no contact with the ex. She is still either lovely or a total bitch to me. I see all the gas lighting and pathological stuff spewing from her mouth. I know it’s projection but it still impacts. They really are damaged voids. So sad.
The worst thing is still being attracted to ladies with those traits. Dangerous thing chemistry. It’s in you to now see your own patterns and put you first. Then you will heal.
It’s the strongest bond empath and Narcs. Just need to establish some boundaries in future.
I feel the same way. Four yrs. out. I don’t think there will ever be anyone in my life, I’m too old, 66. I’m raising my 6 yr. Old grandson also. Who would want that? Im very content and happy…BUT… Guess that’s all there is folks.
You know, I could have written that myself. Today is exactly four years when he turned my world upside down. I too have done the counselling. I constantly read this site and others to gain knowledge I didn’t have before. Although I am much stronger now I still have him in my head – like a parasite. I don’t think I will ever fully recover from his words and actions but I am a much better person – I am a survivor.
It’s been 4 years for me and I’m still dealing with him in the court system (stalking, harassment and assault) but I met a man this year who is the complete opposite and even deals with my trust issues with a smile and a kiss on the forhead lol. I thought I would be alone forever and never trust someone again, but that’s not the case. I still think of the ex but now I find I think of how negative he was compared to my man now. you will heal in your own time, there are men out there who will give you the time you need to unwrap your heart again. It’s scary as hell I admit it, but it’s worth it. you are not worthless in fact you and I are worth more because we know the pain of being hurt and would never inflict it, you are worth love and it will find you again when you least expect it. 🙂
I was actually wondering the same thing. How long will it take for me to stop thinking about him. It has been 60 days with no contact from him. He married two weeks after we broke-up. He used suicide attempts as his control. Some in front of me resulting in PTSD. I’ve been in therapy using EMDR as treatment. Some of the flash backs and night terrors have subsided. But I still hear his voice when I see a weed sprouting up in the yard or when I’m buying food at the grocery store. What is appropriate and what isn’t. I’m hoping all this will end soon and I can move on to someone healthy that will treat me right. He moved on so quickly and I’m in therapy. Doesn’t seem fair.
It’s been two years.
Every day… just some variety in how many hours .
Finally went to seek help from Women’s aid today… felt good. Am going to take part in group therapy, I have been silent long enough.
It’s tough being with a man who constantly made you feel worthless. One thing that helps me is telling yourself every morning that he is a sick man and you and everyone else in his world is worthless. It’s not just you! He feels that way about everyone he deals with. By telling yourself that you are worthy , you will then begin to feel you are. Reverse what he did. God Bless you and you will be in my prayers.
Looks like the pain will never go away..
Never ever back to the happiness and health
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