How do I overcome the fear even though I have moved on?

How do I overcome the fear even though I have moved on?

So, my ex-husband was an abusive narcissist who is still trying to do everything he can to make my life miserable. I have placement of the child we share, but he so far has kept the stepchild I have helped raise from a baby from me. His only reason for this is to hurt me. I still have a protective order against my ex because of the abuse. Recently, he tried to have the protective order thrown out saying it wasn’t valid in the first place, he has always fought it because it costs him money for me to keep it. Even with the offer to pay for his gas, that still wasn’t good enough for him, but it was for the judge. Since then he has retaliated any way he can to make my life miserable! I won and I stood my ground so now he is angry beyond belief. All of this aside, I have managed to move on though it has taken me quite a bit of time and lots of failed attempts. After a recent disaster that left my home nearly unliveable, I invited my boyfriend to move in. Now mind you, my boyfriend and I have known each other nearly 10 years, just haven’t always kept in the best of touch. Now comes the big part of my problem. I spoke with my attorney who has demanded I kick my boyfriend out when he now has nowhere else to live or risk losing my daughter to my ex if he decides to try to fight about it again. My attorney’s reason for this is my boyfriend has a record, and a bit of a lengthy one at that. This is a big part of why we didn’t keep in the best of touch over the years. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, but had a couple rude awakenings this past year and has tried to get his life back on track. I couldn’t do things without him right now, there is just too much for any one person to handle. I can’t imagine my life without my boyfriend, or my child. Now, my child has been through a lot and has to see several professionals. One of my child’s workers knows every horrible detail of my boyfriend’s past, and even though she is basically the equivalent to a state worker although I asked for their service to help my child. This worker has heard about every detail, and even seen pictures of some of the negatives in my boyfriend’s past, yet was completely okay with him moving in. As a matter of fact, this worker has commented time and again on how much happier both my child and I are and how amazing it is to see the difference in both us and the house since he moved in. This worker has also remarked on how amazed they are by the role my boyfriend has taken with my child, and how much more supportive he seems in every way for my child as opposed to my ex who won’t cooperate with any of our child’s services. Yes, my boyfriend has a dark past, but after everything I was out through by my ex and his family there is no way I would let someone into our home if I thought they would hurt either of us. I made my boyfriend promise he wouldn’t leave. He overheard what my attorney said and was trying to gather his things before I was even off of the phone. He didn’t want me to feel like I had to choose between him or my child so he wanted to take that burden from me and just leave. I have decided I’m not going to listen to my attorney. I am terrified of if I am making a mistake asking for another fight, but I refuse to let my ex keep running my life. My panic attacks have gotten so bad though since I decided this. I am terrified my ex is going to pick a fight over this and that my child will ultimately be the one to suffer like always at the hands of my ex’s anger. I need some advice… How do I stop being afraid of every single situation? How do I stop letting my ex scare me into doing what he wants? My boyfriend is beyond supportive on this, but sometimes he just doesn’t understand my fear, which since he moved in has been almost none until now. I just want to be happy again and fear free. Anyone have advice on how to get these panic attacks under control?

One thought on “How do I overcome the fear even though I have moved on?

  1. Your attorney is giving you good advice. The boyfriend needs to leave regardless of the X for a monumental amount of reasons. I hear more that you “can’t” than you “can” in your text. Stop covering and making excuses. Time to put the big girl britches on and tackle your life on your own terms. You can do it! About your X. He will only stop when he knows he has no more control over you. If you allow situations that give him control, he will keep on and on. The less you deal with him the better. I have been in your situation and the moment all the pawns were removed, he moved on and left me alone. So, when you fix the problem, the panic attacks will go away.

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