Is healing from this even possible?

Is healing from this even possible?

Ok, here it is: My narcissist was my mother and the experience included sexual abuse too.  I’ve been in recovery for 10 years with skilled and caring professionals yet I still find it basically impossible to date.  10 years is a long time and while I’ve improved in other areas, the dating thing has actually gotten progressively worse over time.  I can’t think of anything I haven’t tried.  Does anyone have experience with NPD that includes childhood sexual abuse and long term recovery?  What helped you to heal in the end?  To be honest, at this point I’m not 100% sure that healing from this is even possible.  10 years is a long time.   (Thanks!)

7 thoughts on “Is healing from this even possible?

  1. My narcissist was my mother too, and my ex. I have been in therapy for 12 years after horrific mental abuse from my mother. Therapist thinks I may have hidden memories, so am not sure about sexual abuse. However, four and a half years after leaving psychopathic ex, and three and a half years after leaving narc siblings and mother, I will not date. Will not upon any circumstances go any where near a potential love interest. Panic attacks at the thought of a coffee with potential love interest. Dating is a trigger to complex post traumatic stress attacks. Closeness, intimacy, and connection means possible betrayal, or bad choice on my part.

    I also have body/ intimacy trauma….I can safely say that their will never be a full recovery. It is to be expected. Some trauma sufferers spend their entire lives in therapy. People who have had sexual abuse stuff very rarely fully recover to the point of feeling complete comfort and safety around their next sexual partner.

    My theory is that we need to have a longstanding friendship with our potential other.

    I still live an incredibly fulfilling life being a single traumatised person with three kids. I fulfil all of my career goals, have slowly allowed friends into my life, and am convinced that I will someday meet somebody who will be understanding of my needs.

    1. Dear Friends, I am sixty five years old. My story is very similar to yourselves, I have been single for twenty five years. Have a wonderful life now, caring for children, animals, having a great career, study global issues, psychology the sciences of our planet. However even having coffee with a potential love interest freaks me out. I am very happy now with many plans for the future, however my lifestyle is different to my friends, I need long term friendship before intimacy, most people are not willing to put in the effort in this sex oriented western culture. Know yourself, stick with it and enjoy the things you love
      Best wishes for you and may true love come your way.
      Suzanne

  2. You’re Doing Everything Right! You May Be Projecting The Hideous Past Onto Your Own Body,Perhaps As A Means Of Self Defense From Getting Hurt Again? My Mom And Grandma Are Narcs And While I Was Not Sexually Abused, I Have Always Found Great Comfort In Journaling And Art. Maybe Take A Class Or Two At A Community College. I Found A Huge Support System Of Friends, Classmates And Professors To Be A Wonderful Way Of Avoiding Being At Home.
    Remember, You Owe No One An Explanation. It’s Not Something You Have To Talk About Unless You Want To! But You Owe Yourself Opportunities: To Be Satisfied With Your Physical-Self, To Be With A Partner Who Openly And Honestly Loves You, And To Find A Means Of Release From Such Those Traimatic Past Events.

  3. I am just beginning the process of healing from my narc mum. I didn’t realize until recently that she has always shifted the focus from her to my father and making him look terrible.
    It is difficult so far because I am exhausted and she has taken my son from me. I hate her yet need to forgive? Whatever- she does not deserve my forgiveness is how I feel. So I started with the concept of self-care. I have been given a referral to a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma. We’ll see. ALL therapists I’be seen so far have been a waste of time. But the issues affecting me, because of my unloving mother, are effecting my marriage. I believe that She really wants to destroy me.

  4. From my experience, which is similar to yours, I believe you should focus on your marriage and the support of your husband and leave your relationship with your mum as secondary with minimal contact.

    As a result of a narc mum and narc brother, I have now been greatly disinherited from the family estate. They never change, even on the deathbed and I am now being punished from her grave.

    Thank goodness for a supportive husband and the good family I married into!

    Stay strong!

  5. Im 54 and the emotional abuse seems to get worse. There are so many triggers rhat its always there. Im angry with my mother and siblings. Who knows what I could have been if I had been loved

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.