Courts want children to see both parents

Courts want children to see both parents

When you have children, how do you get past emotional and narcissistic behaviour?  All the courts are bothered about is the children seeing both parents.  Is one parent still to give in and be controlled and emotionally abused for their children’s sakes?  I know people might say to hold your head high and ignore for your children’s sake and be the better person but when you feel you have been disrespected and knocked down by too many people, there comes a time when you feel enough is enough and you are not going to accept another person disrespecting you, but the courts won’t bother and so it feels like the controlling and narcissistic people have won.  X

8 thoughts on “Courts want children to see both parents

  1. It’s my opinion that the courts are useless!! They allow abuse to continue by thier dalliance. they’re short staffed, lack training and stuck in out dated law. The only advice I can give is keep working through the system gathering evidence all the time keep a diary, nothing surer they will trip themselves up !!

  2. Lundy bancroft books are good too, when dad hurts mum is good for helping you understand the perpetrater and how to help your children, as it turned out I was doing most things right anyway but it’s nice to know that and made me feel stronger in my parenting ..

  3. I have just come through the family court system. It is a shamble. Four years of counselling with a psychologist for the children and myself after a 20 year relationship with a Narcissistic ex and it meant nothing in the eyes of the court. You are right the courts just want the children to see both parents with no regard to he mental and emotional abuse from the NARC. Two access weekends have passed and he has already breached the restraining order and the court orders. The kids are already calling me names such as “Sl*t” & Bitch. I agree it feel like that they win. But truly they do not. They will always be liars, be horrible on the inside and never truly love. They will always be who they are and they hate themselves. So in fact you have won because you can go back to finding the person you are. The person that is kind and loving and respectful. The person that they needed in the first place to fill the whole in the heart. x

  4. My experience here ( canada). Just like every other government it seems more important for family court to be politically correct then do what’s best for the child. as it is usually he said she said when dealing g with an ex NPD. However, I also believe time and patterns also eventually developed in the court system by the Narc as they eventually contradict themselves in lies hey have forgotten they have told but are part of court record. At first you will be blown away by how the judge cannot see what the Narc really is. I’ve been through court system almost every year for the last 9 years with issues of access. His patterns of demanding big in court but not following through to show for access times or not following court ordered schedules…or demanding our schedules meet his has been shown. by him. communicate by txt and rail as much as you can. always if pissible. save everything. …if. give them enough rope and they will eventually hand themselves. He also has now shown a pattern of evading child support payments and hiding income. It took man many years for his patterns to be obvious to the courts…and ..and I don’t think it will ever stop completely until our son is of age to make his own decisions. Hang on…it does get easier with time in the courts. …and emotuonally….but I don’t think it ever goes away

  5. I have been dealing with my narcissistic ex in the courts for the last 5 1/2 years and I have encountered the same thing, the courts don’t care initially about his behavior, they just want both parents to have joint custody. Fortunately, my ex’s behavior patterns of not following any of the court orders are becoming very obvious so I should get full custody this next go around. I gave him the rope, he’s hanging himself with it.

  6. I have three narcs to deal with and my children’s father is the least of my problems. He has lied about his income and how much time he spends with the children, but is at least mature enough not to attack me and try to drag me down. These other two individuals, my fiancé’s ex and my sister’s ex, have been making accusations against me for six years now and have recently resorted to filing charges against my ten and twelve year old children. They now have court orders forbidding my children to be left unsupervised with theirs and the accusations are of a serious nature that could have a detrimental effect on the rest of their lives. These two even tried to contact my ex and get him involved! Imagine my frustration that the court allows these lies, believes them without proof, and makes rulings against innocent people who are not involved in the case they are presiding over. I’m trying my best to hang in there, but the urge to run becomes stronger all the time.

  7. The first thing you need to remember when going through court with a narc is document absolutely everything. Don’t speak to them on the phone if possible, just use email and text so you have everything in writing. That way it’s not “he said/she said”, it’s just straight up evidence. Second: as hard as it is, be the bigger person. Narcs will say and do anything to get a rise out of you. Do your best to keep that in mind and not react. Above all else though, the children MUST come first. Even if the kids are under his/her spell now, one day they’ll see the truth. Don’t fall into the trap of defending or explaining yourself if they come home from the narc’s place accusing you of all sorts. Just say “there are three sides to every story: Dad’s/Mum’s, mine and the outside looking in.” Or something along those lines. Obviously if the children are being downright disrespectful towards you then they need to be pulled up, but in the same way you’d pull them up for other infringements ie don’t let your anger at the narc or hurt at what feels like their betrayal cloud your judgement. Stay strong, and remember: it may not seem like it now, but this too shall pass.

  8. All of the comments written are true. The narc is about power and control, and bottom line is an emotional domestic violence. Why not seek serious with a local domestic violence center? These DV centers receive federal funding that work with the courts and have already educated and connected with the courts. It also shows that the narcs behaviors are real and how it impacts family dynamics that are not in the best interest of the children.

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