I feel like I’m losing my mind

I feel like I’m losing my mind

I was with my ex for three years and we had a child together.  I was 18 when I met my ex I had just moved to the state to live with my grandparents and I didn’t have many friends.  My ex added me on Facebook and we began to talk even before we met.  Things seemed to move quickly he was writing poems for me and was drawing pictures of me based on the ones I had online.  I thought it was sweet after a few dates he asked me to be his girlfriend and then right after that he began to send me long messages about how he couldn’t wait to call me his wife. His parents were very different people, they were very into reading people and judging people. And soon my ex asked me to move in full time because my grandpa gave him a bad feeling. He and his parents convinced me that my grandpa had molested me and was to close to me.  They told me they would be a better family for me and it would be safer to live with them.  I was maybe 3 months into our relationship when I became pregnant which was odd because my ex told me he was sterile, and afterwards he proposed.  Things were completely different after that.  He had always been jealous and would come sit by my work and cause problems with my guy co-workers, he convinced me quit my job.  He couldn’t keep a job and relied on his parents.  I had bad depression and had no family I could talk to without them getting angry. He began to have raging fits, he broke every cell phone I had.  He would slam me against walls, break things and tell me to get an abortion.  His parents began to hate me and told me if I didn’t go back to live with my mom out of state they’d make my life hell and kill me.  My ex told me to leave because he knew I couldn’t stay and that he had to pretend to hate me and then once I got to my parents, he’d follow.  After I got out of state he had my phone disconnected and we didn’t speak for the last few months of my pregnancy.  I blamed myself and begged everyone to tell me what was wrong with me.  Two weeks before I had our child he showed up and told me things would be different.  I took him back no questions asked.  Things were perfect until a week after we had our baby.  He left and went back to his parents and hardly spoke to me.  Finally he convinced me to come back.  I went back to staying with him and his parents until the fits started again and this time he would yell and scream at not only me but our baby.  I left and we were broken up four months.  I seemed to be doing well and moving on and then out of no where, he bagged me back.  I went back this time and it actually felt different.  We got our own apartment, he cut his parents out because he blamed them for everything, but the jealousy was still there and he would still have raging fits, but it was better.  However, this time he became obsessed with me, if I got a job he would show up randomly and ask me to send him pictures to see if I was really working so I always had to leave the job I had.  He told me he wanted me to be at home with our child.  He would leave work early and look through the windows to see if anyone was there.  I couldn’t have friends or even go to the store without him blowing me up.  I started going through a deep depression again, I felt worthless, I didn’t know who I was and he blamed it on me and his parents.  He would tell me constantly how jealous he was of our son and how he didn’t feel connected or bonded with him. I begged him to be a better dad.  He acted damaged and hurt and told me constantly everything became my fault again.   Then the last week we were together he broke his hand by punching out the radio in our car because he got mad at me for being friendly to a girl he hated at her son’s birthday party.  He sped and we almost wrecked, he choked and head-butt me.   After the fight he pulled into his parents.  After months of hardly speaking his mom told me she found his diary and it contained every lie he had ever told them about me. After that I packed his things and made him leave our house.  Shortly after our break up he told me how happy he was and how it was all my fault and I tricked him and his family into believing it was all him.  He moved back into his parents.  I sank deeper into depression and questioned everything.  I began to beg him to come back and it’s like he enjoyed it.  He would  tell me to move on and be with someone else.  Finally I realized I had to stop and when I did he began adding guys on Facebook that he thought I was talking to.  He began begging me to tell him if I was seeing someone else.  He came into my home when I wasn’t there and went through my things, he told me my begging wasn’t good enough and I needed to try harder. When he knew I was completely done and he had no power he called the sheriff to my home at midnight to check on his child and then he filed for full custody of the child he never wanted anything to do with.  Now he’s acting calm and sane and saying he just wants his son and I don’t matter.  He says he doesn’t want to argue and fight anymore and just co-parent.  His mom posted on Facebook that I’m keeping them from their grandson and maybe one day I’ll decide they’re worthy.  Please someone give me some advice.  I feel like I’m losing my mind.

3 thoughts on “I feel like I’m losing my mind

  1. I know what your going through.my advice to you is to get as far away from him as possible your child is the future and you need to protect him.i have been living in my situation for 19 years today My divorce is almost finished.i have been through some crazy things with him and his family but this divorce it has almost brought me down.he got you pregnant so he could forever control you.dont let him.prove him unfit it can be done.use anything you have against him and his parents.dont ever feel like your doing wrong by protecting your child.

  2. Let him go mentally, emotionally, physically, in every way. Focus on your child. It’s very difficult. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve been manipulated and controlled. Take back control of your life – your dignity, self-esteem, self-worth. Hold your head high. Don’t look back. Go forward – one step at a time. Eventually, you will walk into the light – leaving the darkness behind you. Keep going!

  3. You are losing your mind…at least that’s what he thinks he is doing and getting pleasure from it. The insanity belongs to him.

    I’m so sorry to read your horror story no-one should ever experience this kind of treatment. You will get your life back by making choices that are good for you, as far as you are able at the moment.
    This person – I won’t call him a man – needs to be as far away from you and your child as is humanly possible in every way. And that’s all the air time I’m giving him.
    Remember who you were before him, because she’s still there, you are not defined by this persons choices, you are able to make your own, and you will recover from this. It will take time so just be as good to yourself as possible. I pray that some nice normal people come into your life and they are really good to you. You deserve to be loved and treasured.

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