She’s learning these behaviours from him

She’s learning these behaviours from him

My ex-husband is a narc.  I didn’t know.  We met when I was 18, he was 24.  Had all the luxuries anyone could want as well as the drive to succeed financially even more.  I moved in at 19 and by choice had my first child at 21. I got married when I was 24 with our second child.  Things started to change at that point.

Previously, we got along great and he was the man every woman would want.  We had moments but they were no big deal.  After marriage, things changed.  His drinking increased, he stayed out later and was going most weekends.  The sort of bullying/mental abuse escalated.

Four years later we had our third child.  By this point he was a functioning alcoholic and never remembered anything.  There are so many details but I’m trying to keep it short.

Several years passed with all the issue a narc brings to the table, then I found text messages from a woman.  I did research on the cell bill and it was going on for about a year and a half.

Of course I went through hell, questioning myself, if I was wrong, dying inside because the person I loved and never imagined was gone.  It was my choice but still killed me.

Now, seven years after divorce my oldest comes to me saying she’s worried about me.  She has lived with him for about two years because she has anger issues and things got out of hand.  She’s a toxic person too.

When she approached me with her concerns, I was open and listening.  Then the attacks started.  She was polite, but I was to blame for all our issues.  Including a fight one day when I was off to church with a friend.

When I realized what was happening I spoke up.  She was saying that I’m depressed and she was worried.  She said she didn’t feel comfortable at my house any more because it’s a normal place and not immaculate.  She wants me to paint again because she doesn’t like the colour.  Along with buying new furniture and décor.  I told her to go ahead if she wanted to.  That wasn’t the answer she wanted.

I guess I’m in shock a bit as I never saw this coming.  My ex has worked his way into her head and is twisting her mind.  She can’t see it.  She sees it when he fights with her though.

I’m not sure how to handle this.  All of my in laws have disowned me since the divorce and I have nearly no family and only a few friends.  She contacts me only when she’s upset or needs something.

Wondering if I should start seeing a counsellor?  Have little contact with her?  Don’t jump when she writes or calls?  I feel like she’s learning these behaviours from him.  Thank you for any help/advice.  Sincerely, ~lonely~

One thought on “She’s learning these behaviours from him

  1. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. You definitely need to seek out a good Counselor. I wish you the best.

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