Why Do I Still Care?
I am just completing my first week apart from my partner of 16 years. He has chipped away at my self esteem, gradually taken over my home to turn it into a man cave. He has a gaming addiction and a weed addiction and I honestly feel I created my own monster by pandering to his every whim, always being the one to apologise after his constant insults and rages left me an emotional wreck. It was like I was addicted to him and would tolerate any amount of emotional abuse just to keep him in my life. He told me I was stupid, fat, ugly, old, waste of space, retard etc etc..but still I
provided everything emotionally and financially as well as a roof over his head.
The rage last week was a different level and I had him arrested after he injured me throwing items at me and smashed my doors with his head…this would all have quietened down in a couple of hours had I left it, he would have simply said “Sorry for grouching.” I would have said that it was okay. Until the next time…everything I owned, did or said he insulted…so WHY do I now feel guilty to hear he is in tears and has hurt himself? I know if he came back it would very soon be MY fault for calling the police not his for 16 years of mainly mental abuse…so WHY do I still care.? Please tell me..
4 thoughts on “Why Do I Still Care?”
Because unlike him you are human , you are capable of the emotions he is not.
I know right now it is hard and the downside to this
(for the record I am about 6 months into this)
It will keep you thinking of him
I found at those times the most important and helpful thing was to educate myself about the person, It will take credibility away from their hurts and actions and help you regain self worth
If you can get to a point where you are strong again yet feel compassion or pity for them as they cannot be helped from their own prison , you will have won
You will have your life back and retain the good qualities that they tried to destroy in you
It is a hard road but believe me , It will get easier, reach out if you have not already, you will find many of us totally willing to talk , help and exchange experiences
When you find how similar others experience are it helps get your self esteem back and understand this better
Because you are a loving and caring person. And that’s what good people do – care. But he doesn’t care and you will need to accept that – when you’re ready. He may feel like he loves you… but that doesn’t mean he cares about you.
I feel the same for my ex. 18 months split. 13 years together. And very similar story in many ways. And yes he blames me for calling the police and he’s told everyone I’m crazy. He tells me often “you’re crazy & everyone says so” etc. It’s hard to be strong & let go, especially when you feel sorry for them. But he didn’t feel sorry for you when he was abusing you so you truly owe him no sympathy now. It’s a lot to let go of… and to chalk up to learning!!! But that’s what it is. So embrace all the wisdom you will gain & all the strength you will find & develop now. And do not go back.
Partly because of the trauma bond but also as the other answers stated. You care because of love and empathy. Im 4 weeks out and finally feeling a bit freer.
If you are ok reading a book I highly recommend reading, Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. It explains why so many of us tolerate such abuse and keep going back. I joined SLAA, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous because I realized I was a love addict after reading that book.
Hugs and good luck, I hope you find the strength and courage to stay away from this toxic human being.
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