Reactive Abuse

Reactive Abuse

Even good people have their limits.  Narcissists overstep boundaries time and time again.  They will push and push until you respond and then they’ll blame you for over-reacting or for being abusive.  The real abuser now has all the evidence they need.  Unfortunately, their constant needling, provocative words or acts that have led to a reaction from you, are often not seen or heard by anyone else but your response is often witnessed by every Tom, Dick and Harry.

The aim of an abuser is often to make you look bad and themselves look good.  They have achieved what they set out to do.  You have been manipulated into reacting to their abuse.  That’s what people witnessed, not their endless baiting and goading.  When the narcissist tells everyone their tales of woe in their premeditated smear campaign, it is you who will look like the guilty party and not them.  You’ve played into their hands and they now have everyone’s sympathy because they are the true victim of your abuse and instability.

Regrettably, the real victim in these scenarios, often believes that they have acted badly and blames themselves for over-reacting.  They have often been told that they over-react, they’re too sensitive and in time, they start to believe it.

Sadly, once these seeds have been sown in the minds of by-standers, their mind-sets are very difficult, if not impossible to shift.  They saw your behaviour with their own eyes and there’s very little you can do to swing their train of thought in your favour.  People are very quick to judge without knowing the full facts.

The true casualty is regularly wracked with guilt at their own behaviour.  However, the narcissistic personality, never admits to their faults, will feel no remorse for pushing you over the edge.

If someone in your life continuously pushes your buttons to hurt you and get some sort of reaction from you, reassess your reasons for keeping this person in your circle.  Don’t waste your life trying to fix someone else. There are some people who just can’t be fixed.  Don’t waste your life waiting for change that will never come.  Remove toxic people from your life and never, ever feel guilty for doing so.

Written by Anne McCrea

Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon

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12 thoughts on “Reactive Abuse

  1. Just report the abusers who are now criminals under Scottish law and get someone who knows the law to advise you. No need for you to be a perceived loser. YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOUR ABUSERS. xxx

  2. I have been in this situation to where the abusers family and friends thought I was “the crazy one”. This went on for 13 years and I still awake from nightmares !!

      1. Yes, this is exactly what is happening to me. It was my ex husband & now it’s my 18 year old daughter. She has my Mom believing everything she says. It’s litetally blowing my mind & breaking my heart!

  3. Is there any way to combat the undermining and smearing the Narcs do?? They get everyone on their sides so the true victim/target has no one to turn to.

  4. My ‘friend’ did this exact thing to me. On Christmas Day. In front of all of our friends.

    Funnily enough, he did me a favour: it opened my eyes to his narcissism and the psychological abuse I’d been making excuses for, for over a year.

    These people show their true colours eventually, and your true friends will understand. Focus on them. Not the narc and those easily influenced by them. They were never really friends to you.

  5. These kind of people have an unmet need for attention, way out of normality. They are narcissistic in their behaviour and for them negativ attention is better than no attention, so they go on harassing people until they get a response. A response they then use to play victim, and by doing so, think they get more attention, in the form of sympathy witch they never got from their own parents when small.

  6. I honestly believed their was something really really wrong with me… I had this guy friend whom just pushed and pushed for a reaction by provoking me… I am not a person to push boundaries… I’m actually a complete loner… He came across so kind so helpful….. I really respected him…… And I do still believe he is a good person… I want to help him, but no way……..Even any good advice I have given him, when asked too…. So didn’t even interfere.. Then when the shit hit the fan for this person… It was all my fault… This person I had so much respect for, has showed his true colours and it hurt so much…….. I could go on, its just so upsetting… And after pushing me and pushing and provoking me, I didn’t loose it, but put my nervous system into total shock….

    1. I so can relate to what you experienced. I have been through all that crap too. At first I was thinking that I needed to help this man, now 1,5 years later I regret all. It took me so much time to realize that he is a Narcissist. But now I know, that he is… and I just want out of this shit love….and I’m so angry at myself for falling in love with this evil person.

  7. You described my life to a tee. And my reactions were wrong but he used many more than himself to carry out what he wanted to do. There all gone

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