Maybe it’s a holiday you have been planning for some time and the narcissist knows just how much you have been looking forward to the break. Maybe it’s a reunion for your closest friends or a special birthday party. Whatever the occasion, the narcissist will do their utmost to make sure that it doesn’t turn out to be as special as you had hoped. They want you to share in their own misery.
They don’t like to see others happy unless of course, they are the cause of such happiness. Happiness seems so alien to them. Why should you experience joy when they rarely feel fulfilled? Why should they have to put up with being in the company of your friends or family? They are simply jealous of your close friends or the close relationship you have with members of your own family. They know that they haven’t and never will have that close bond with anyone. If the celebration is a birthday party or graduation celebration, they don’t want someone else receiving all the attention that should be directed towards them. Perhaps if they look dejected, everyone will feel sorry for them and turn their attention where it belongs. The narcissist will do anything in their power to sabotage the occasion.
As your holiday fast approaches, don’t be surprised if the narcissist picks a fight with you, and cancels the holiday at the last minute. They may have just found your replacement. Should you find yourself on holiday with a toxic person, and you are doing your best to make the most of your time, they are going to hate to see you enjoying life. They will go all out to ensure that the holiday will go downhill from there on. They will make a condescending remark just to dampen your spirits, or provoke an argument, basically anything to bring your mood down to a similar level as their own.
Whilst on holiday, you may be directing all your attention on making sure the kids have fun. Isn’t that what normal parents do? Don’t forget this person is far from normal. They want your attention, so they may resort to huffing and bad behaviour to get it. Any attention is better than none.
You want the narcissist to enjoy the holiday or special event, so you try your very best to draw them out of their mood, but no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to work. You feel like they are making you suffer for your efforts to make them smile and be happy. It is like they see you as an enemy, and certainly treat you like one. Only a sick and twisted individual would get some sort of pleasure from ruining holidays and other important events.
What can you do to avoid the narcissist spoiling special events?
Remember that if you are having a good day the narcissist will do anything to spoil it. They want to make the day memorable for all the wrong reasons. Don’t give them the opportunity. Let them be miserable, let them drown in their pool of negativity and self-pity. Carry on and leave them to it. Enjoy yourself and let them be. If they happen to come off with some disparaging remark, just respond with something like, ‘Fascinating,’ or ‘Interesting,’ and go and do your own thing and above all, enjoy the occasion.
Now that Christmas time is upon us, there is of course the chance that the narcissist will do all in their power to make it a memorable one. They may decide not to show up. Great! There will be more for everyone else. If however, they decide to grace you with their presence, there just may be a silver lining. If things don’t go to plan, the turkey is overcooked and the narcissist is so busy doing everything in their box of tricks to be the centre of attention, who is ever going to notice if the turkey isn’t perfect?
Written by Anne McCrea
Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon