My ten year old is so easily manipulated
I’m am now in a custody battle with my ex over my 10 year old. He is demanding more time and I don’t agree, not because I’m bitter but because my daughter’s behaviour has changed significantly in the last year. There’s major signs of brainwashing and alienation towards me. I’ve been trying forever to get someone to take me seriously and help me .I was able to get a lawyer through a grant, so far he sucks .I’m very unhappy with his treatment towards me and there seriousness of my case. I’m scared to death someway somehow my daughter will end up with him. As you probably know, since he’s a narcissist, he will not give up. All I have are the hundreds of harassing emails to me and my 16 year old who doesn’t want to go with him and who he is not fighting for cause he knows she’s too old to be manipulated but my 10 year old is so easily manipulated and because he was a heroin addict and was never there she will do anything to please him so he doesn’t abandon her again. I’m so broken. He has her so brainwashed she has totally turned against me and if she actually has to testify I fear she will say all the things she learned from him to be used against me. I don’t know much of anything about the law or my rights and I’m terrified this whole conspiracy against me will actually play to his advantage and that she will be lost forever. I don’t understand how a parent can use an innocent child as a pawn to gain control and have power over me, because it’s been three years since we split and finally after 14 years I was strong enough to say enough is enough. I’ve always hoped my kids would have a good relationship with their dad. I’ve never gotten in the way of that but since last summer I’ve seen all the signs of an abuser abusing my daughter and I can’t allow it to continue but if my lawyer sucks then I’m screwed. Any advice or I’m just happy I can vent…
3 thoughts on “My ten year old is so easily manipulated”
He doesn’t want the child. He wants to push your buttons. This will happen until he finds a new target. Let your child go. And send her to therapy. If your insurance covers it, fine. If not, go to the school and ask them if there are any programs she can get help with. He will fight you because you are fighting back. Let her go. But get her therapy also. Then she will be able to sort things out to a neutral person who knows neither parent. Express your concerns to the therapist, but do not use the word “narcissist”. Say he is emotionally controlling and abusive and you fear he is grooming your daughter to grow up thinking this type of relationship is acceptable. Make that your argument. The minute you say “narcissist” any person in authority or in a position to offer help shuts down. Use the terms “controlling” “emotionally abusive” “grooming” and say you fear for her future and her perception of what a normal relationship is like. You will come across as the caring mother you are without directly appearing to be trying to be manipulative yourself.
I agree with art, but don’t let your daughter go. I have been totally honest with my two boys, about what their father did( not in depth but so they can understand), fortunately, he had told so many lies he didn’t want to see them. Maybe that will change, but they’ve said they don’t want to see him after what he did. Try and talk to your daughter. If you truly feel he is grooming her, then talk to her about things- inappropriate touching etc. Children don’t know that these things are wrong unless they are educated in these matters. Try not to talk to her like it’s her father fault. This will just alienate her more. Unfortunately, children can be manipulated, by other children and by grown ups. Find another way of gaining information on what to do too. Look on line, speak another lawyer. Find out what can be done. If he is doing this, then he will be extremely clever, well rehearsed with what to say, using his emotions to make it all seem sincere and true. Just be honest and open. It’s not your fault. Don’t give up. I wish you lots of luck.
Please absolutely don’t give up your child. There are a number of closed groups you can join dealing with alienation. You’re not alone There are thousands of us. Will also refer you to Dr. Childress. Read and watch everything he has put out. It will make it crystal clear what is happening and why. Hugs.
Another alienated mother.
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