I don’t feel I can trust my father not to manipulate
I’m honestly in need of some advice – my father is a narcissist. It took me a long time to realise it but having put all the pieces together a lot of other things fall into place. Over two years ago he and my mother moved in with us while they looked for a more suitable property – and the penny finally dropped that he was emotionally abusive towards Mum, myself and my husband – it got so bad that after several threats and tantrums I told him to move out. Recently he has been in email contact playing the ‘poor me’ games and saying how much he wants to maintain contact with me and our adult children – my problem is that I don’t feel I can trust him not to try to manipulate again. It has taken me a long time to grieve for this relationships and I don’t feel I want the contact again. Can anyone suggest anything – do I allow this manipulator back into my life at the risk of getting badly hurt again or do I maintain a zero contact?
2 thoughts on “I don’t feel I can trust my father not to manipulate”
He is exercising a hoover. Nothing has changed, nothing ever will. I have been 4 and 1/2 years NC with entire narc family. Read HG Tudor, self proclaimed sociopathic narcissist. He tells the narcissistic story from his perspective. Honestly, I have an understanding of the crazy more than ever before, and I feel free to be autonomous after 32 years of narcissistic abuse. He can’t change. He’ll hurt you again, and play out idealise, devalue, discard, over and over again because he can’t attach.
Many people advise not to go back. If you decide to give him a chance I would set strong boundaries with him and be prepared for what you’ll say when he tries to cross the line..and he likely will. Also, keep in mind that you may have to walk away again. If he’s narcissistic there’s a good chance you’ll regret going back. If knowing and accepting these things you’ll be okay with whatever you choose to do. However, you might want to read 2 Timothy 3:1-5. If he is what this passage describes notice the last sentence…”from such turn away” (avoid such people!)
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