How can I help my 21 year old daughter who has been systematically stripped of any ambition, independence and self esteem? She still lives with her mother, from whom I am divorced, and who clearly has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I lost my son in December, to a serious depressive illness, he was 25. In 2015 he asked me to collect him from his mother’s home, whilst visiting her during his University summer break. He said he “could not take it anymore” and “did not know who he was anymore.” He had been subject to protracted rants lasting up to three hours, by his mother for such demeanours as using HER electricity to charge his phone, by him spending HER taxes in buying himself a new T.V from his University bursary etc. He was criticised for wanting to pursue a career in teaching. He was told he would not “hack it as a teacher “.

In the latter months of his life he was very troubled by his sense of guilt over his broken relationship with his mother, who continued to abuse him emotionally. It was not his fault she had robbed him of his identity, she continued to emotionally abuse him whenever he had contact which became very rare and now after his tragic death, his mother is manipulating my daughter, threatening me with court injunctions for harassment, for trying to maintain contact with my daughter who had been effectively estranged from me and my family for nearly seven years, since I crawled out of the marriage in a seriously depressed state. My daughter has been physically assaulted for having contact with me. She has no privacy. Having carefully controlled her private life, her friends, her future aspirations, denying her contact with me, Her mother then manipulated her into sending me texts when my son died, but these stopped once her mother realised I was not going to give her the attention she craved.

Having had no contact whatsoever with my family in seven years, her mother even expressed disappointment to my parents over the phone that no one had been to see her from my family when my son died, even though she has actively dissuaded my children from having contact with my family throughout their lives.

My daughter is manipulated into sending letters on her mother’s behalf regarding funeral costs with no regard for proper procedure, or any recognition that I am his legal representative. Something which her mother tried to challenge but failed. She shows no compassion or remorse, she cannot understand the concept of a Thanksgiving Service to celebrate his short life. I organised such a service for my son and that took place after his funeral. She says “it is meaningless.”

I fear for my daughter, she is under tremendous manipulative control.