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How do I overcome the fear even though I have moved on?

How do I overcome the fear even though I have moved on?

So, my ex-husband was an abusive narcissist who is still trying to do everything he can to make my life miserable. I have placement of the child we share, but he so far has kept the stepchild I have helped raise from a baby from me. His only reason for this is to hurt me. I still have a protective order against my ex because of the abuse. Recently, he tried to have the protective order thrown out saying it wasn’t valid in the first place, he has always fought it because it costs him money for me to keep it. Even with the offer to pay for his gas, that still wasn’t good enough for him, but it was for the judge. Since then he has retaliated any way he can to make my life miserable! I won and I stood my ground so now he is angry beyond belief. All of this aside, I have managed to move on though it has taken me quite a bit of time and lots of failed attempts. After a recent disaster that left my home nearly unliveable, I invited my boyfriend to move in. Now mind you, my boyfriend and I have known each other nearly 10 years, just haven’t always kept in the best of touch. Now comes the big part of my problem. I spoke with my attorney who has demanded I kick my boyfriend out when he now has nowhere else to live or risk losing my daughter to my ex if he decides to try to fight about it again. My attorney’s reason for this is my boyfriend has a record, and a bit of a lengthy one at that. This is a big part of why we didn’t keep in the best of touch over the years. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, but had a couple rude awakenings this past year and has tried to get his life back on track. I couldn’t do things without him right now, there is just too much for any one person to handle. I can’t imagine my life without my boyfriend, or my child. Now, my child has been through a lot and has to see several professionals. One of my child’s workers knows every horrible detail of my boyfriend’s past, and even though she is basically the equivalent to a state worker although I asked for their service to help my child. This worker has heard about every detail, and even seen pictures of some of the negatives in my boyfriend’s past, yet was completely okay with him moving in. As a matter of fact, this worker has commented time and again on how much happier both my child and I are and how amazing it is to see the difference in both us and the house since he moved in. This worker has also remarked on how amazed they are by the role my boyfriend has taken with my child, and how much more supportive he seems in every way for my child as opposed to my ex who won’t cooperate with any of our child’s services. Yes, my boyfriend has a dark past, but after everything I was out through by my ex and his family there is no way I would let someone into our home if I thought they would hurt either of us. I made my boyfriend promise he wouldn’t leave. He overheard what my attorney said and was trying to gather his things before I was even off of the phone. He didn’t want me to feel like I had to choose between him or my child so he wanted to take that burden from me and just leave. I have decided I’m not going to listen to my attorney. I am terrified of if I am making a mistake asking for another fight, but I refuse to let my ex keep running my life. My panic attacks have gotten so bad though since I decided this. I am terrified my ex is going to pick a fight over this and that my child will ultimately be the one to suffer like always at the hands of my ex’s anger. I need some advice… How do I stop being afraid of every single situation? How do I stop letting my ex scare me into doing what he wants? My boyfriend is beyond supportive on this, but sometimes he just doesn’t understand my fear, which since he moved in has been almost none until now. I just want to be happy again and fear free. Anyone have advice on how to get these panic attacks under control?
I know he will reap his venom to me

I know he will reap his venom to me

I have just exposed a narcissist after finally being able to see the light on what he was going. I have exposed him to his ‘girlfriend’ who he moved in for the last 15 months whilst he was still with me. I never knew about her as I work in a different country. I had been with him 6 years. I have exposed him to family member and friends. I know he will reap his venom to me but wandered how they generally do it: he has of course Called me crazy and I’m a stalker.

How do I get rid of the hate?

How do I get rid of the hate?

How do you get rid of the hate?  I’ve never been a hater but now my heart is full of hate after a relationship with a narc.  I want him to suffer for what he did to me.  All I did was love him.  I don’t want to feel like this.  Please help.
I am unable to break free

I am unable to break free

I know that I’m wrong for this, but I’m married and having an affair with a person that I strongly believe may be narcissistic.  I was in a bad place in the marriage, met this person, got involved and fell in love.  Now, I am unable to break free of them and they are doing everything they can to keep me tied to this unhealthy relationship.  I know it is and I keep trying to break free, but feel sick the moment I try to walk away.  I love him.  I’ve learned to stop telling him things about the marriage because he uses them to control me and threaten to expose me.  Now, I’m so terrified that if I get the strength to walk away, he will expose the entire affair and this could affect not only my family, but my kids, my job, my church community.  He has even threatened to come to my church and expose me to the members.  I want out, but don’t know how.  I’ve gone no contact for a few months once before.  He continued to call, text, inbox, etc.  He sleeps with women and I suspect men as well.
I can’t let my mental health suffer any more

I can’t let my mental health suffer any more

I have a narcissistic mother. Always been that way since I was 15. Criticises, put downs, pulls me down to my sons etc. She is on her own. I am trying to pull away from her now the boys are older but I do love her still as she is my mother but I can’t let my own mental health suffer anymore . Many thanks x
How do I reteach myself?

How do I reteach myself?

I lived with my narcissistic husband for six years. I am in the process of a divorce but unfortunately he has done quite a bit of damage to my psyche. Every moment of every day with him, I walked on eggshells, not sure what would set him off or make him attack someone or threaten or yell at me or our kids. I tried to control every situation to make it as smooth as possible so nothing set him off (and as I now understand, that is impossible to do). Anyway, my kids and I are away from him, staying with friends, with protection in place, but I can’t shake the feeling that I have to control every situation to make it ok. I still feel like I must walk on eggshells with everyone (even people who are completely loving and accepting) to ensure nothing goes wrong. It’s an exhausting, stressful feeling and I can’t shake it or stop myself from doing it. How do I stop? I know it’s in my head-a learned behaviour. How do I reteach myself that I don’t have to be on edge 24 hours a day, 7days a week??  Please help. I’m exhausted.
I’m struggling

I’m struggling

I’m going to tell everybody my story. It might be long but I’m going to tell every single detail I can remember. Please any help would be a massive help, I’m struggling coping day to day and I’m literally crying out for help so here goes:
At the time we got together were both 22/23, she’s 3 months older than me and we don’t have children.

September 24th 2015, Me and my now ex-girlfriend got together, It was my birthday the 18th October and she decided to book me and her a night away in an amazing hotel and we went out and had a good night etc. this was my first, what I classed as serious relationship.

The morning of the night before we woke up had had a shower and my phone was on the bed. I didn’t want to lose it or forget it so something I used to do was put my phone in my shoe so when I go to put my footwear on I wouldn’t ever forget it. She found my phone in the shoe covered up by our dry towel and accused me straight away of being unfaithful, obviously I wasn’t. I tried to reassure her and just said it would never happen again, she verbally assaulted me for the first time then making me out to be a piece of s**t, and I’m a very sensitive caring person anyway she knew this and it made me crave her even more for reasons I couldn’t explain.

Within the whole time we were together this verbal abuse carried on pretty much everyday.

About 1 month later I was in her room in her parents’ house, at the time I’d had a rough day in work and well, she wanted sex. I genuinely just wanted sleep I was not up for it whatsoever. As I’m lying on my back she screams “f**k off” whilst her arm hits me smack bang in the middle of my face.

This was the first of many times I was hit in the face, through the whole relationship she hit me scratched me or even bit my face when she got drunk or she wanted to argue, she made me delete my Facebook account my Twitter, every contact with friends and even some family members. She also didn’t want me wearing clothes I liked wearing. We went out every week spending money we didn’t have.

This abuse carried on until Christmas, she wanted me to be with her and her family the whole of Christmas and I refused I said I should be with my family.
Boxing day I ended it. I was upset and angry with how I was being treated and I told my family everything.

Now from the beginning of the relationship I had been under pressure for money and well, I’m not an angel, nobody is but I stole from my workplace, simply to please her and to try and show her love because I was desperate. Anyway I would’ve done absolutely anything to please her. At the end of January we got back together and the middle of February I had been found out by my employers and they reported me to the police. I had an interview with them and I received a caution. Up until April I went full no contact with my ex and then one day out of nowhere she sent me a personal little ‘OPB’ on a reg of a car – it stands for oh panda bug and that’s what I called her, my panda bug, (it was a cute thing we did) and it reeled me in.  We spoke and we met up and I went away behind my families back to stay with her in the city and we spoke about moving away to start a fresh.

We moved in May 2016 and things were actually perfect, for about 2 months – I had to do all the washing, the cleaning, the cooking, everything, she didn’t really ever help unless she wanted too. I think she was like this because I used to get home from work about 2 hours earlier than her and she hated it, she didn’t want me home alone. She’d accuse me of all sorts and it just upset me because she’d come home and I’d be dying to see her and speak to her and she would just put me down constantly and make me feel worthless.
To please her I got a job with the same hours as her and I didn’t like it. I had my suspicion she was speaking to a guy she worked with and she was. It was found out she cheated on me whilst I was on a course away and yeah that broke my heart it still does, I forgave her again. And that was in October – then one day she came into my work accusing me of fancying a girl I worked with when I didn’t even speak to this girl. So I walked out of work because the stress was too much. She said she was leaving me, I got back to our place and she was there, then we both moved in December 2016 and I was unemployed and she recently left her job so we were skint.

I was under pressure from the debt she accumulated for me and it got to January 25th and I ended it, I couldn’t take it no more…now I need help because I want to speak to her so much and my mind is dying if I can speak to people in messenger that would help. I can clear things up and give more details, but the thing is she shows every single sign a narcissist does. I just need advice and help so please I’m begging you help me.
How does it end?

How does it end?

Please help me bring awareness to Ambient Abuse the most dangerous psychological abuse. Google Dr Vaknin read his work. In theory or text on paper so horrifically confrontational but so nice compared to the abuse in practice by the time you realise it’s already too late you don’t live it you fight to survive it. The abuser is relentless, malevolent, calculated, persuasive, manipulative and so very believably clever. To twisted point he considered a victim to feel sorry for all without a shred of evidence only his words of compulsive lies. What do you do?  You get up dust yourself off, smile, get up every day put one foot in front of the other. Curse and cry if you have to. Then say god dammit I’m just not going to let him get to me! Wholeheartedly with belief forgive him send him white light. Then fight for my child because there’s hope. Only yourself can strip yourself of hope. Hope is everything. He underestimated and messed with the wrong Mummy and woman. I may be one person in this world but to one person I am her world. Full of hope, beaming smile, radiating pure white light I stand strong and I fight the darkness. Because I love her, I miss her, I protect, I nurture her…..how does it end?
Should she be told the truth?

Should she be told the truth?

My fiancé is in a situation and I myself may not be sure how I feel about this at times…he dated this girl and lived with her for about 4 ½ years, her daughter was 6 months old when they moved in together.  The child’s mother is a narcissist which makes it very hard for my fiancé to talk to her in any way shape, form or fashion.  The child is now almost 6 years old. Real biological dad isn’t in the picture and doesn’t want to be evidently.

I would like opinions on something…

Let’s say you started dating someone that had a baby… I mean young baby that couldn’t even talk or walk, and you dated this person and raised their kid as your own. Through the years, no other discussions came up that would be required to discuss with the baby about the dad situation. Until…you break up, but you still act as a parental figure in their lives without legal ties, the child still does not know.  Do you immediately tell the kid you are not the parent? Do you expect the actual parent to tell them? Or do you just let it go?  How do you think this kid will feel if they find out the truth?

I want honest opinions…  I am well aware you can still be a parental figure in the child’s life without being blood… so I understand that part.  My question is more about the lying / omitting this big truth and them later finding out it was all a lie.
I am concerned for this kid’s emotional health, she’s already is learning her mother’s bad habits and when you throw emotional abuse in there by refraining from telling her the truth about her ‘dads’.